CONNECT

How I Shocked My Wife with the Not Forgotten Journal

One of the hardest things about the road for me personally is the loss of time and connection with the love of life, my wife Susan.

We enjoy being around each other – from playing sports to going for a walk and just talking and laughing.

The road steals that from us and cannot ever give it back.

It’s a reality she’s accepted through the years but it didn’t come easy. My contact with her on the road was as absent as my presence. I was lousy at it for a long time. I’m just being vulnerable here.

In my role as a business travel performance expert, I hear the good, the bad, the ugly, and the brutal unfiltered truth.

Too many men have wrecked their marriages and heck, most of their relationships as a result of the road.

Too many women are not only burned out by the road, but also by additionally taking care of home life back home before they leave, while they’re gone, and picking up any collateral damage when coming home.

I have nothing but the highest respect for traveling mothers – truly unsung heroes.

I’ve had my share of senseless and needless fights before leaving. In my interview with Megan Bearce in my podcast episode #024 she says “it’s easier to leave mad than sad.”

My biggest blowout came not from an argument, but by a hurtful thing I did, or in this case, did NOT do coming home from a trip.

Here’s the backstory for context…

I was coming off a brutal stretch including international travel and back-to-back trade shows where I was up early for C-suite breakfast meetings and had late evenings for corporate parties and customer dinners. My wife and I were basically competing by text who was more tired. She was raising my kids as a single mom in my absence, which remember, was a brutal stretch.

When I came around the corner and pulled into my driveway, I only saw my wife’s arms and my youngest child at the time as a one-year-old as the “Running Man Baby.”

I’d like to say that I grabbed my baby, kissed my wife, embraced my kids, and gave my wife the night off for me to clean the house and take care of the kids.

But what I did… walked right by my beautiful and exhausted wife, heard my kids say “Daddy’s home!” and all I said was an agitated, “Daddy’s tired,” and went to lay down on the couch in the family room. Who does that? I woke up to a beautifully angry wife who had tears in her eyes and let me know with a soft, strong tone: “Something needs to change.”

I realized I had become a Check-In Guy. My family always had to adjust to my exhaustion and my check-in schedule when I was on the road. I had become “That Guy” I swore I’d never become as a husband, father, and even friend. This became my “Wake-up Call” that didn’t come from a hotel but a call that was the result of my unawareness and selfishness.

I still had a choice – I could heed the call or ignore the call.

Too many business travelers not only ignore the call, they minimize the call, justify their actions with the call and go on to do their business (travel that is) as usual.

I knew I needed to change and it was the start of the Six Energy Habit – Connect.

This change didn’t happen overnight – or over one business trip, but a series of months.

It took what I learned as the three elements of Connect:
1. Connect Intentionally – on purpose
2. Connect Thoughtfully – reflective
3. Connect Creatively – memorable

To be honest, I found it easier to begin to do some creative things for my kids – I have a creative side so this was an easy and quick win for me. But I had a ton of ground to make up for with my wife and just didn’t know what to do that could “Move the Relational Needle” with the amount of neglect I had done.

I had created so much distance while I was gone, and then so much tension when I came home – I had such high and unrealistic expectations on the house being clean, everyone adjusting their schedule to dad’s exhaustion or work that still needed to be done. Instead of helping I was criticizing and critiquing – this is coming from the guy who was gone most of the week to a functioning single mom when I was gone.

Can you see the pain that I caused?

I desperately needed to find something meaningful for my wife – something that showed her that she was not forgotten while I was on the road – that I thought of, loved, missed, needed, and deeply appreciated her.

One day for one of my road downtime activities, I was in a Barnes-n-Noble looking at books, and I noticed the Journal section. In my curiosity, I saw one that was really cool and thought I’d get it and figure out what to do with it at some point.

I knew I could use it for my wife in some intentional, thoughtful, and creative way. I was on a flight doing what I call Think Space, dedicated time to process my thoughts. I decided I would figure out a way to utilize this beautiful journal.

Then it hit me – what if I wrote something, anything in this journal every day I was on the road to let her know she was not forgotten.

And there the idea for the NFJ (Not Forgotten Journal) was born.

What I did:

Reserved a couple of minutes every day on the road to write in the journal
Planned ahead – I used Think Space for ideas on what to write
Chose one of the following to write about:

Memory – funny / serious – song, scent, location, picture, food
Encouragement
Inspiration
Appreciation
Feeling – missing home, lonely

Full Disclosure – the journal I chose had a TON of pages in it which felt like it was never going to end

The response – I finished it on June 21st and gave it to my wife the very next day.

Lessons Learned

You don’t have to wait until you blow it. You should do something now
It was harder and easier than I thought – harder because I put a lot of pressure on myself and it was a super big journal, and easier because it only took a couple of minutes per road day
When I couldn’t think of what to say/write, I looked at a picture of my wife and asked myself “what would she need to hear from me?
Having ideas to stimulate the creativity was huge – I needed the primer for the days I was in a hurry or just not feeling creative
This was not about me – so when I didn’t feel like it, I had to remind myself “this is for her, not me, and I cannot wait for her to read this page.”

Suggested Next Steps

Experiment with the NFJ concept – what would this look like for you to apply and work in your situation
Buy a NFJ journal
Keep it a secret – take the pressure off of yourself

This isn’t going to be a quick win overnight. But I challenge you to consider upping your connect game on the road and giving the NFJ a real shot.

Hopefully hearing the NFJ story between me and my wife inspired you.

You can do this too!

So, wherever you are, do something, anything, just not nothing to master the business travel life.

10 Most Often Asked Questions Asked of Me About Road Life

One of my favorite parts of being a business travel performance expert is receiving so many questions whether through surveys, assessment, research projects, emails, or just plain conversation on a flight or at a hotel bar.

Recently, I spoke at a consulting firm and was flooded with GREAT questions from high-performing road warrior consultants who wanted to not get by on the road but get better and leverage the road to do it.

As a result, I’ve chosen ten of the most often asked questions for this article.

10 Most Often Asked Questions Asked of Me About Road Life

This 1st question is by far the most asked question but it’s also the one that gets the most pushback.

1 – How do you eat healthy on the road?

I failed miserably at this for easily the first half of my road career which has been too many years.

I viewed my business trip as a vacation when I ate, not a vocation. My filter was, “oh, that looks good!” I could spend more on an appetizer or dessert or glass of wine than I would on my entire meal with my own money.

The result? Ballooning to over 40 pounds overweight due to business travel. I hated how I looked in that blasted hotel mirror and felt lousy.

Then I came to the point where my perspective on food changed. I wanted energy on the road to be my best and Food is Fuel and Fuel is Energy.

I embraced four letters – MTHC (Make the Healthiest Choice)

And part of MTHC is three parts:
1. Continually Hydrate – I have an Elite Road Warrior water bottle and drink a ton of water ALL DAY LONG
2. Clean and Green – every meal is the cleanest I can eat and I add as many greens as I can
3. Carry a Controlled Substance – I carry a snack bag with Tupperware that has healthy snacks so I’m never caught off guard and always have an energy kick available

I have choices of what I put in my mouth and need to consciously choose how I feel after whatever I’m about to eat.

I favor hotels with full kitchens, shop at Whole Foods and/or Trader Joes whenever possible, and request eating someplace “Clean and Green” when going out with others.

I recently even did hard-core Keto30 on the road which you can listen to on episode 25 of the podcast.

Key phrase: MTHC (Make the Healthiest Choice)

2 – How do you workout on the road?

Time is your biggest enemy on the road.

I believed the lie “if I can’t get in a full workout, what’s the point?” – Lies, nothing but lies!

I had to change my mindset to “Something, Anything is Better Than Nothing.”

Sometimes my 20-minute workout is better than an hour.

Sometimes, going 10 minutes hard in my hotel room with bodyweight and resistance bands is more than enough.

“But I’m too tired to workout” – lies, nothing but lies.

Movement creates energy.

How many times have you worked out in the morning after dragging yourself out of bed and by the end of the workout, you were ready to conquer your day?! That’s me – every… single… time.

I learned the Increase M4X Formula
1. Stand More – think up on your feet, not down on your butt
2. Walk More – think forward, not still
3. Run More – think cardio, get your heart rate up
4. Lift More – think strength training

How I…

Stand More – stand at the gate / every 30 min on a flight / in meetings whenever possible / create stand up desks at the hotel (lobby or room)
Walk More – park at the back of a parking lot / choose a higher floor at the hotel / take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator or walk the escalator
Run More – do HIIT that gets my heart rate up – jog to run / burpees / stairs quickly
Lift More – bodyweight / dumbbells / resistance bands

Key phrase: Something, Anything is Better Than Nothing

3 – How do you get a better night of sleep on the road?

Ah, sleep, the ultimate waste of time on the road, right? How can you get anything done if you’re in a coma?

I used to view sleep as a “necessary evil”

I had to learn to make the sleep I was getting, which was 6 hours or less, better before I started to add any more sleep because it wouldn’t be quality sleep.

1. Prioritize Bed Time
2. Create a Bed Time Ritual
3. Create an Ideal Sleep Environment

For me…

Bed Time Priority always depended on the type of my trip – was I by myself or with others? Was I doing training, speaking, and workshops, or at a conference or trade show? Once I knew, then I could realistically prioritize bedtime. That may mean leaving the event or bar earlier but nobody really cared the next morning. Regardless, getting to bed with the foresight of what time I needed to get up was a priority.

My Bed Time Ritual:

Drop the Lights
Drop the Temperature
Change the Room Scent
Comfy Clothes – under armor shorts / Hurley soft t-shirt or Dep Sleepwear
Read
Guided Meditation

Ideal Sleep Environment:

Cool
Dark and I mean dark – towel over door crack/clip to keep the curtains shut
Bose Sleep Buds

Key Phrase –“Improve Before Increase”

4 – What is your morning routine?

It has definitely evolved over time. In fact, I have an entire podcast episode on the First Hour of Your Road Day called the Energy Hour

My routine used to be checking social media, sports scores, texts, and emails while still in bed!

Once I opened up any of those, they owned my day and I rarely turned it around.

So, I needed to make sure I took care of ME first before everyone else’s agenda.

And what took care of me?

Four of the six energy habits:

1. Develop
2. Move
3. Connect
4. Fuel – continually hydrate

My exact morning routine:

Hydrate – my drink
Develop – read my Bible / read something inspirational / pray and meditate
Move – workout
Connect with the Fam – I want them to hear from me first thing in the morning and I’ll talk about how in Q5

Key Phrase – “Hit the Four Before the Door”

5 – How do you stay connected with those you love back home?

This was an area where I was what you call, a Check-In Guy for WAY too long.

I just “checked in” when it was convenient for me with no regard to what was going on back home in the life of my wife and kids. It was selfish to be honest as I look back on it.

Staying connected, especially if you’ve been traveling for any length of time, can, well, get old and stale. And for me, I wasn’t checking in enough and it really affected my family and friends back home.

Eventually, I leveraged my creative side to “spice things up” to re-connect with everyone to become a Connect-In Guy.

It’s done in three ways:

Connect Intentionally
Connect Thoughtfully
Connect Creatively – be memorable

How I Connect Now:

Send an intentional and thoughtful text/audio or video recording often before they even wake up
Flat Kiddos
Postcards
Connect Cards
Not Forgotten Journal

Key Phrase -“Be a Connect-In Guy or Girl, not a Check-in Guy or Girl”

The next five questions are more vulnerable.

I’ve not arrived as you’ll hear in the following answers. But I truly desire to transform my work, health, and home life on the road to master the business travel life.

6 – What took you the longest to change and why?

Learning how to rest and pace myself on the road. I’ve always been a hard-driver, Type-A, energy guy.

If you’ve not heard my back story, which you can listen to on the podcast in episode 002, I went so hard for so long, my body shut down to the point of complete exhaustion and I became very, very sick. It took months and months to recover and I had to learn to change my ways if I was going back to Road Life.

I had to prioritize three areas:

Sleep – improve then increase
Breaks – move the body, rest the mind
Downtime – time to be, not to be on

There was time for breaks and downtime – I just needed to take them and make them a priority – the payoff was beyond worth it.

I also had to learn to ask:

When is my energy the highest each day on the road?
Why is my energy low right now?
Is there anything I can do to change my energy level?
Can I match my energy with my tasks?

I had to become what I call an Energyologist (a Buckleyism) – the personal study of your own energy

Key Takeaway – You can have more energy on the road

7 – What do you regret the most on the road?

The answer is found in Energy Habit Six – Connect.

I regret not making my family a bigger priority especially when I first started traveling. I created some very bad habits in three areas:

How I left – abrupt and not sensitive especially to my kids’ feelings
When I was gone – When and how I contacted anyone back home revolved only around me and my schedule
How I returned – I was always exhausted when I came home and it was always about me. I demanded the house be in perfect condition and life revolved around me. I wanted to be left alone to “transition back into civilian life” yet I was angry when everyone went on with their lives.

My family hung in there but I had done some damage that took years to repair and I regret it. Thankfully I was able to turn it around and it’s become one of my strengths.

Learn from my costly mistakes.

Key Takeaway – Prioritize Others Just as Much

8 – What do I still struggle with on the road?

Drinking too often and too much.

I don’t get drunk on the road or take it too far. I learned very early in my career to never “be that guy” but only see or hear about “that guy”.

I love good wine and craft beer but have learned to minimize it big time especially doing Keto on the road.

I’m a Vodka Tonic guy and too easily justify a drink or three (always a double) after a long day, customer dinner, or event.

Doing Keto30 of absolutely no drinking was a very good thing for me along with not drinking on any weeknights when I’m home.

This is a struggle and growth area for me.

My biggest change has been adding one glass of water with every alcoholic drink. I call it the 1:1 Water Match Program – and it’s absolutely free to join

Key Takeaway – Make Sure You’re In Control

9 – How do you handle it when you blow it on the road?

I’ve adopted the James Clear concept called “Avoid the 2nd Mistake” – If I have a bad meal, I don’t justify the day or even the rest of the business trip.

If I don’t work out the 1st day, it’s not a free pass for the rest of the trip.

If you watch baseball, the best closers have the essence of short-term memory. If they blow last night’s game, they need to come back out the next night like it never happened and “begin again.”

Depending on what “blowing it” was for me, in the early days there was some regret and guilt. I had a couple of close friends I could tell “the real story” for some confession and accountability. I wanted to monitor the heart.

Another phrase I use that is helpful to me is “Dip NOT Dive” – when I go “off-road” as I call it from the 6 Energy Habits, I need this to be a quick dip and get right back to what allows me to master the business travel life and avoid the downward spiral and the 2nd mistake.

Learn from it and move on.

Key Takeaway – Avoid the 2nd Mistake

10- What advice would you give for a newer business traveler?

Learn and apply the Six Energy Habits immediately in your Road Career.
If you have bad habits at home, road life will only expose them.
Don’t worry about “what everyone else does or says”, you take care of yourself first and foremost.

Learn from my mistakes and others. You don’t have to do it the hard way with a brutal crashing and burning, 40 pounds overweight, burned out, stressed out, and disconnected from family and friends.

Key Takeaway – Own the Six Energy Habits right now!

I hope these questions and answers were helpful. They’ve been asked by a number of people, so here it was:
* The good
* The bad
* The ugly

I hope you gained some ideas and appreciated my honesty with the goal of helping you become an Elite Road Warrior.

If you want any more detail or further examples, you can find them in my book, ERW – 6EH to Master the Business Travel Life. It’s available on Amazon in the print version, Kindle digital version, and also on audiobook via Audible.

So, wherever you are on the road, do something, anything, just not nothing to master the business travel life. You Got This!

Five Lies About Business Travel

Business travel has many misconceptions. Someone who lives in the 9-to-5 office world truly does not understand our world. At all.

They have the essence of routine, consistency, and predictable-ness. Every single day.

Almost the exact opposite of a business traveler. And we like it that way.

Then there are family and friends who think we’re continually on vacation and we “have the life.”

Although they may think this is the case, whether we realize it or not, there are realities about business travel that are just not true.

Two specific groups of people within our inner circle of business travel, need to know the truth:

Future business travelers – whether you’re in a company that is grooming you to travel or you want to switch jobs or even careers to begin to travel for work
Leaders of business travelers – those that oversee and influence the work life of a road warrior

Why these two specific groups?

It’s because perception becomes reality and truth oftentimes just must be shared to expose the lie.

I’ve uncovered five specific lies I want to expose especially for future business travelers and those who lead business travelers. Each lie will also have a pushback, the truth, and an elite tip.

Five Lies About Business Travel

Lie #1 – Business Travel is a luxurious life

This is the one I hear all the time from friends and family. When someone meets me for the 1st time or hasn’t seen me in a while, they usually ask about all my “cool adventures.” Aka: tell me about your luxurious work life.

Here’s the Pushback – When someone hears you travel for work, they think or even say, “That’s awesome. You get to fly to cool cities, stay in really nice hotels, eat out at restaurants all the time, and get served. And you’re by yourself. That’s the life! I would do anything for your life.”

Does business travel offer some great perks? Of course. But like anything, too much of a good thing, or anything for that matter, grows old and loses its luster. The same is true with business travel. Just ask a road warrior who’s been at it for a while.

We’re not going on a vacation with a stress-free flight to an exotic place. We’re going to work, man. I’m in a suit, not shorts and flip-flops.

Hotels begin to look the same. The food begins to taste the same.

The outsider, whether an office-only co-worker or friends/family just doesn’t see what we know as “traveler friction” – delayed flights, canceled meetings, endless traffic, late nights with people we don’t really like. And on and on and on.

Truth: Business travel is a vocation not a vacation with different expectations and needed results.

Elite Tip: Find something to look forward to “doing or seeing” on every single trip:

Go to a ballgame
Visit a cool site in the city
Eat at a local favorite restaurant

In Elite Road Warrior lingo, we call this Downtime – time to be, not to be on. You need downtime to allow yourself to unwind so you can perform at your best. If I’m by the ocean, I always see a sunset. If I’m in a town I’ve never visited, I always see the sites. If they have a sports team, I must see a game. If they’re known for a certain style of food, I find that premier restaurant. You get the point.

Business travel is not a luxurious life but it doesn’t have to be a boring life either and if we play it right, the road can bring us the energy to perform at an elite level.

Lie #2 – It’s hard to eat healthy on the road

At first, this lie is very easy to believe.

For too many years, I believed, supported, and defended this lie. I flew by the Travel 20 to the Entitled 40… pounds that is, when in reality, I simply had no food boundaries and literally had the weight to prove it. I didn’t pass up on any of the king’s food or miss any of the king’s wine. So, of course, I said it was hard to eat healthy on the road.

Here’s the Pushback – Many of my meals I don’t actually choose the food (meaning the client provides lunch or chooses the dinner location).

This is a generalization and, again, I get it since it used to be me. It’s true, this happens, but sometimes, most of the time I have choices. And even if the client provides the lunch or chooses the dinner location, there are still healthier options.

Truth: Eating healthy is a proactive decision, not a reactive determination.

You can influence the client far more than you realize. Often, they’re uncertain what to choose in the first place. I’m often very clear that I eat on the healthier side. And I never let them determine “what is healthy for me.” I’ll give them examples of a grilled chicken dark green salad for lunch or steak or seafood with veggies for dinner.

I also realize there are often limited options at the airport. I get that but don’t rely on the airport for your nutrition.

Elite Tip: Do your intel at an airport. For example, as I’m walking out of the airport from the gate after landing, I’m looking around at all my food options but not for right now. But for when? My return flight home so I know if I can eat at this airport or I need to prepare in advance to eat somewhere else.

Elite Road Warrior teaches four words that should be your guide on eating healthy on the road: Make the Healthiest Choice.

Not the easiest choice, or the quickest choice, or the largest choice, or the tastiest choice but make the healthiest choice. It can be done if eating healthy is a proactive decision, not a reactive determination.

Lie #3- I have no control of my time on the road

This lie is a sneaky one because we subtly learn to be reactive on business travel. We watch others. We see our co-workers, bosses, fellow road warriors.

We do things in the moment. We’re just not trained how to do Road Life.

Every company I’ve ever worked for did a good or great job training me on the product or service but when it came to how to do road life and how to manage my time and energy on the road, it happened only… NEVER!

The road is a completely different animal that is a developed, learned skill to know when and how to work in the margins so you’re not working all the time which leads to burnout and inconsistent results.

Here’s the Pushback – I’m not in charge of my schedule. You don’t know how many meetings I have or what’s required of me on every single trip. I work every second I can on the road.

I hear you on that one and have been “that guy” before for way too long.

Truth: You have far more control of your time and results than you realize.

Once I started taking personal responsibility for MY time and MY energy, everything began to change. I didn’t wait for my company to train and teach me because in my case, it never would’ve happened. In fact, this is the very reason I created the Elite Road Warrior Group! I want to train business travelers, like you, how to make the most of the road.

Elite Tip: Intentionally put up Road Blocks every day of your business trip. Huh? I thought Road Blocks were a bad thing. Not if you use them properly.

A Road Block is a barrier around something to get work done. In this context, you want as many Road Blocks on the road as you can get in your day!

You need to schedule blocks of time to focus on one specific task (email, phone calls, quotes, data entry, presentations, etc) for a set period of time so you can get consistent results.

When you schedule Road Blocks and focus, you’ll be amazed at how much you can get done in this set window of time and you’ll have more time than you think on the road. It’s the work smarter not harder principle.

Energy Habit Four is Perform and goes into a ton of detail about how to perform at an elite level. The book, Elite Road Warrior goes into far more detail so pick up the physical, digital, or audio version today.

Lie #4 – My family is not affected when I’m on the road

This lie gets personal quick and can easily get exposed by a handful of inquiry questions.

A few questions can expose just how any given road warrior views “life back home” while on the road.

Or to put it another way: “Says the man who leaves his wife or significant other to take care of everything back home including YOUR kids!”

Disclaimer: Women don’t fall for this lie at all in fact they actually feel the stress of home on the road worrying if things back home are going as planned.

For the rest of us, do you know who is really affected?

Your spouse who is left to take care of everything on their own
Your kids who now have to rely on just one parent

Here’s the Pushback – Well, they’ve never said anything or they don’t know anything different because I’ve always traveled.

Truth: Your family needs you to be present on the road just as you are at home but leverage the time in a different way.

Energy Habit Six is called Connect and it focuses on leveraging your time on the road to connect with those you love back home in intentional, thoughtful, and creative ways.

This means leveraging the road to continue to be present in ways you wouldn’t normally do at home and end up making an impact on them.

Even though I’m not physically there with my family, I can still be visually and audibly present.

There was a stretch that my travel was so heavy and it brought on so much stress with my wife and kids. It was brutal on my marriage and my relationship with my kids, especially the younger ones.

I finally heard my wife say “something’s gotta change” (words you never want to hear) and realized she had been giving me clues all along. I just wasn’t listening and noticing.

As a result, I vowed to “change my ways” but realized I need to be patient, purposeful and planned.

Elite Tip: three tangible “change my ways” products to help you stay connected with your family on the road…

Not Forgotten Journal – learning to take just two minutes to write something to my wife each day in a journal I would one day give to her
Flat Kiddos – colored characters that I take pictures of in my world
Connect Cards – creative cards made by kids for kids that I leave and send to my kids writing meaningful words

I challenge you to stop denying that your family is not affected and to make connecting a huge priority.

Lie #5 – There are no temptations with business travel

We’re all wired differently from our interests to our style to our preferences to our attractions.

For those who don’t travel and are put in a place where temptation can appear, they can easily assume and even judge that it would never happen to them.

Here’s the Pushback – I’ve handled being put in a tempting position before and would be strong again

But do you know what changes? Being potentially thousands of miles from home and nobody may ever know.

Episode 085 and the article from two weeks ago discusses the dark side of business travel because it’s real, scary, and dangerous. We discuss the five downward spiral choices into the dark side of business travel.

There are food temptations / drink temptations / sexual temptations on the road
We have endless opportunities to experiment that can lead to new road habits that can lead to hidden addictions
We can even be put into moral decisions we thought ever thought we would be put in and respond in ways we may regret the rest of our lives

Truth: You can have integrity on the road when you’re aware of the temptations and have boundaries.

Elite Tip: Two Powerful Words: Know Thyself

The phrase came from the teachings of Socrates and popularized by Plato. It was the first of three maxims inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. The two maxims that followed “know thyself” were “nothing to excess” and “surety brings ruin”.

The 2nd phrase is applicable here too: nothing to excess.

Know Thyself means to recognize how human I really am and the right place meeting the right circumstances can take me down. So, let me get personal: I know I have an addictive personality. I’m a risk-taker and too easily push boundaries.

As a result, I MUST be very cautious on the road to not compromise my integrity, reputation, and family. I’m old enough to know the difference between short-term pleasure and long-term regret but must never believe the lie there are no temptations that can affect me on business travel.

Awareness on the road is key. My hope is this article was revealing, challenging, and a reminder of how easy we can fall into lies that can affect so many aspects of our road results and ultimately our lives.

Leverage….. to help you become and remain an Elite Road Warrior today to eliminate burnout and exceed results.

You Got This!

How One Creative Idea Connected Me With My Kids Back Home

You may have heard a little bit about my story and my family. The Buckley Kiddos (there are 5 of them) never chose to have their father as a business traveler, but it’s the hand they’ve been dealt with at least right now.

Early on, I didn’t put much thought into my contact with my family when I was on the road. Compared to everyone else, some business trips I did better than other trips and justified my contact because it was more than the average business traveler.

But when did I ever care about comparing myself to THAT GUY?! I came to a point where I felt the lack of engagement with my family especially with my kids because I was traveling so much.

I was uncovering my “WHY” I wanted to connect more back home.

The WHY gets me to do things when I don’t always feel like it, especially when I’ve had a busy and long day on the road.

I created the Flat Kiddos Concept. It’s a way for me to connect with my kids when I’m not at home. Take a look at them at the Elite Road Warrior website here.

One of my biggest challenges as a father on the road is staying connected with my kids in very intentional, thoughtful, and creative ways in general let alone on a consistent basis. I would take pictures of my locations, but it was more about “Dad’s cool hotel or rental car” and how they weren’t a part of my trip.

But then I asked myself, “what if I could theoretically take my kids with me in a creative way? You can now with Flat Kiddos. These are 9×6 inch characters that are on thick poster board for durability.
I had my kids color their own Flat Kiddo and now they can’t wait to see their picture on my next trip. This gives the opportunity for the Flat Kiddos to be seen in Dad’s World and how the kids are now involved.

Why I Use the Flat Kiddos Concept

The “why” is critically important and far more important than the “how”.

For far too long on the road, I was what I called a Check-In Guy. This guy “checked in” when it was convenient for me only.

I had a gift of calling at all the wrong times:

Dinner time
Bedtime
Kids at practice

I sent the occasional check-in update text.

I did FaceTime but was usually distracted. Sadly, one of my kids would call me out and say “Dad, you’re not paying attention.” Pathetic. I have just a few minutes to really connect with my family and I’m on email?

After a “come to Jesus” moment with my wife on how disconnected I was at home while on the road, I started looking for ways to leverage the road and what it can do for me instead of making excuses of the limits of the road and what I can’t do.

Remember, if you want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

When I first started out I took pictures of the locations in my trip thinking my kids would want to see where Dad literally was in the world or my awesome meal or upgraded rental car.

At best I would get a COOL or LUCKY YOU response.

Often it was silence. Painful non-response.

Deserved.

I had that coming.

It came across in two ways:

Dad’s bragging
We’re not with him

But that wasn’t my motive and definitely not my heart.

I had an industry connection I had interviewed on another podcast called “The Energy Edge” Podcast, and listening to David Vasquez, had this little character called Peg Daddy that he traveled with and it hit me.

I revisited this concept with David Vasquez on episode 046 of the Elite Road Warrior.

But after that initial interview and the Flat Stanley story, I thought, what if I created Flat Stanley of my age-appropriate kids that traveled with me on the road?

For those of you who’ve not heard of the Flat Stanley story or concept, let me give you the 411:

Back Story – Stanley gets squashed flat by a falling bulletin board. Stanley’s parents rolled him up, put him in an envelope, and mailed him to his friend in California. We did the Flat Stanley project for my cousin’s kids from SoCal having Flat Stanley visit Chicago. Our kids loved it.

I had to figure this thing out.

Now, I had my WHY of wanting to connect and not just check in with my kids and I had this idea of doing something with Flat Stanley. Now what?

How I Use the Flat Kiddos Concept

I needed to begin to look through the eyes of my kids and what would be relatable to them in my road world.

I have five kids but not all are age-appropriate for Flat Kiddos.

For example, my high school sons prefer postcards from every location and it allows me to speak an encouraging word that I know they’ll read in this form.

Currently, I have two elementary-age kids and one four-year-old.

My 3rd and 5th graders are perfect for this age and my little guy is now ready for his Flat Kiddo too.

How Do You Make Your Flat Kiddos?

I’m often asked, how did you actually make the Flat Kiddos?

My two were basically an art project:

I went online and printed out a boy and girl Flat Stanley character
I cut out the characters
My wife glued them to strong poster-board
I had my kids color their own Flat Kiddos

It was simple but took some time and energy.

The favorite part was having my kids color their own Flat Kiddo and therein was the Buy-In.

Now, there are many road warriors who either aren’t creative or resourceful or just simply don’t have the time or won’t do it. Just recently I had a business traveler tell me: “Love the idea but this will never happen if it relies on me but I would buy them immediately. I can definitely tell my kids to color these for me.” You can buy them here.

So, you make or purchase your flat kiddo, you have your kids color them. Now what?

Here are Six Ideas for my Flat Kiddos

Airport

At the Gate or in the Terminal (up on the window with the plane in sight / checking the departure board/massage chairs)
On the Plane (in the seat / looking out the window)
With the Pilot or Flight Attendant

Hotel

Working at the desk
Watching TV
In the bathtub
On the toilet
On the bed
In the kitchen (since I stay at a lot of hotels with kitchens so I can prepare as many meals as possible)
Fitness Center – working out with the dumbbells/on the treadmill/bike
Pool catching some sun

Rental Car or RideShare

I’m in a rental car often because I fly into one city (for example, SD then drive to OC then to LA and fly out there or Tampa to Orlando to Fort Lauderdale) – I get some great upgrades and my kids love to see their Flat Kiddos in the driver seat

The driver seat of a cool rental car
Back seat watching an iPad
In the trunk!
Sitting next to me in an Uber or Lyft

Restaurant

I have my Flat Kiddos in my work bag so it’s easy to pull them out in a restaurant setting

Ordering food
A plate in front of them

Sight Seeing

The Alamo
Space Needle
Sunsets on the coast
In the mountains

The possibilities are endless – the key is just leveraging the city you’re in AND taking a few minutes for downtime – remember the definition? Time to Be, NOT to Be On and this is a great cause to take a little downtime.

People You Meet

People are often more than willing to join in a picture for such a cause – you just have to be willing and courageous to simply ask.

I mentioned Pilots earlier
Hotel front desk
Co-workers
When I speak, sometimes I’ll ask some people in the group to take a picture with my Flat Kiddos. I did that a few weeks ago speaking to 16 CEOs and these guys loved it!
One of my mentors from afar who I met, Michael

Get creative and ask for your kids

This is Possible Road Warriors…

Let me tell you about a quick story.

I met Barry in an airport before a flight when I was taking pictures of my Flat Kiddos in a couple of places near the gate. He asked what I was going but in a curious tone. So, I let him know WHY I do this and my desire to be a Connect-In Guy, not a Check-in Guy anymore on the road.

Barry paused then said, “If I were honest, I’m a Check-in Guy and this is a great idea that I can do to become a Connect-In Guy. Thanks for being an example and for giving me this inspiration.”

The key to being an elite road warrior is leveraging the road and what it CAN give to you if you let it.

I wouldn’t do Flat Kiddos at home obviously because I’m with my kids. But I can take a few minutes here and there to have them enter my Road Life through their Flat Kiddos.

You Got This!

084 – Networking on the Road with Jake Kelfer

Podcast Player

Transcription

Bryan Paul Buckley 0:01
Episode 84 of the Elite Road Warrior podcast. Welcome to the Elite Road Warrior podcast where we believe you can leverage the road to transform your work, health, and home life while on business travel to ultimately master the business travel life. If you’re a road warrior, and a great chance you’re on the road right now then this podcast is for you.

Bryan Paul Buckley 0:31
Welcome to the Elite Road Warrior podcast. I’m your host Bryan Paul Buckley, fellow Road Warrior husband of one father of five, and love me some podcast interviews. But as always committed each and every business trip to becoming and remaining an elite road warrior and as always, I’d love nothing more than for you to join my master evil plan on this road trip.

Bryan Paul Buckley 0:54
Well, you’re gonna enjoy today’s conversation, because this guy was someone rare who reached out to me and in a way that caught my attention immediately, and ultimately led to this podcast interview. So let’s meet Jake Kelfer. Jake is a lifestyle entrepreneur, life elevator, and coach to ambitious entrepreneurs and freedom seekers helping people create incredibly impactful and profitable businesses. He’s the best selling author of two books elevate beyond and elevate your network. And that second book we’re gonna unpack a lot today, but he’s also a high energy motivational speaker and the founder of the professional basketball combine, which helps NBA Draft prospects turn their dreams of playing pro basketball into their reality. He and his work had been featured on Forbes, Sports Illustrated, ESPN, and many other major media outlets.

Bryan Paul Buckley 1:46
But in a moment, I’ll be asking Jake the following questions. Why is connecting with people on the road so vitally important? What are some key principles of connecting with people on the road that we should apply immediately? How do you elevate your elevator pitch? How do you get drinks the right way? How do we make networking part of our routine without feeling overwhelmed or wasting time? And so much more.

Bryan Paul Buckley 2:28
I am live right now with Jake Kelfer, where are you and how are you, my man?

Jake Kelfer 2:33
Bryan, what’s going on man, calling in doing this podcast from Santa Monica, California and I am I pumped. Let me tell you it to be chatting with you today.

Bryan Paul Buckley 2:42
Man, right there. I don’t know how you top that. So the only other question I’ve got to ask on that. Lakers or Clippers?

Jake Kelfer 2:49
Lakers 100%

Bryan Paul Buckley 2:51
All right. All right. See and I’m struggling Bulls fan on there. And I mean obviously brought that up because you have this professional basketball combine background so before we jump in and let’s do a little opening banter here. Tell us more about that. What is that? What’s that look like? You know and unpack that a little bit?

Jake Kelfer 3:08
Yes. So before I dive into like the professional basketball combine and I know the listeners can’t see but I got my shirt on today I’m representing, but us Lakers clippers like I grew up a diehard Lakers fan basketball is one of my biggest passions and loves of my life. And my first job when I graduated college, was working for the Lakers during Kobe Bryant’s final NBA season, I had experience with Jerry West that changed the way I viewed life like wow, these things led to this point of trying to get basketball back into my life. And once I had left the Lakers, I had written my first book, started speaking, but I wanted to be back in sports. And so I came up with this idea to create a secondary NBA Draft combine, which we call the professional basketball combine.

Jake Kelfer 3:51
And basically what we did was we put together a secondary event that would allow prospects who weren’t invited by the NBA, The top 60 to 70 prospects, we actually got to invite those players to our event, put them through three on three scrimmages got to put them through workout drills, all the testing that all the other players did so we can compare them. And we got to put on this incredible event with the hope of bringing 24 players to one location bring teams out. And it has been an incredible blessing that’s putting out 70 guys on rosters in 31 countries across the globe.

Bryan Paul Buckley 4:24
That’s amazing. Man, what a cool legacy on that, and that loves the entrepreneurial side. love doing one of your passion things so thanks for unpacking that just for a minute. And you’ve got two books that are out right now. Elevate beyond and elevate networking Can you just give us as a listen and we’re gonna dive into elevate networking a lot more. Just kind of a little bit perspective on those two books.

Jake Kelfer 4:44
So elevate beyond was the first book I ever wrote. Now I had a dream that one day after I had a successful career, then I would write my books and speak and travel the world. But what I found was that I had the idea of success backward and it was about enjoying it making a difference, and then doing all the work stuff, right? And creating, creating all that or why couldn’t the fun stuff be the work stuff as well. And so when I was working for the Lakers, I would drive and get there every morning, about two hours before I get into the office. And I’d write my first book, which became elevate beyond, which is all about how to stand out in the job market, discover your passion. And basically what it really is, is it’s my experiences of going through college and getting a job going to networking events, going to resume workshops, interview, mock interviews, and all that stuff. And then combining it with incredible people who have tons of work experience so that as a 23-year-old, it added to my credibility. And when you combine those two, it became this incredible guide that helped people land their dream job. So that was the first book.

Jake Kelfer 5:46
And then my second book, which we’re going to talk a lot about today is called elevate your network. And that book, The premise of why I wrote that book was because I believe that we’re all in the business of people. There is nothing that happens if we don’t have customers in business. There’s nothing that happens in our growth, if we don’t have mentors, nothing we can do in our life that’s going to bring us the success and the fulfillment we’re looking for will happen without other human beings, you can look in every aspect of your life, and people are the driving force behind our success. And so I wrote down, I took the best keys at that, and I call them kelf keys based on my last night and have a little bit of fun. And I kind of put the best 25 that I had that had gotten me to where I was in my career at that point, and put them in a book form and was able to share that which became my second best-selling book that has been read all over the world.

Bryan Paul Buckley 6:35
That’s awesome, man. I love it. In fact, you referenced you know, a mock interview. I thought that meant making fun of it initially, but I learned that’s not the case in your book. So thank you for clearing that up. Just kidding on that. So when we talked Originally, we clicked big time on that one specific topic or value of connecting with people. And I love that and that’s your passion. And that’s why I couldn’t wait to have you on this on this podcast. So first question out of the gate here and I don’t mean airplane gate. Why is connecting with people on the road specifically, so vitally important, Jake?

Jake Kelfer 7:06
Well, there’s I mean, there’s so much to unpack here, right? But I think, you know, look, when you’re on the road, we oftentimes change our routines, from when we’re doing our normal thing that we get on the road, all of the routines, all the things that we practice our habits, they change, because our schedules change, and we have to adjust. So one of the biggest reasons that I personally love connecting on the road outside of doing business deals outside of, you know, executing on high level projects. One of the reasons I love connecting with people is because it’s an opportunity to catch up with old friends, it’s an opportunity to meet new people. And it’s also an opportunity to feel connected, when traveling can become so isolated. And I think that that’s something that’s really

Bryan Paul Buckley 7:44
let’s hit on that. I’ll say that once. One more time. That’s really good.

Jake Kelfer 7:47
So I think it’s really powerful because traveling can be isolating. Exactly and connecting with people will bring you together and fill the gaps in some of that travel. Now, I think it’s also really important because one thing that I talked about a lot is is about the most important relationship is the one with ourselves. And I think that that relationship is also something that we can nurture and connect with on the road. Because we have time where our phones are on Do Not Disturb. We’re on airplane mode, we’re in the gate with nobody, sometimes nobody to talk to because there’s no one there. And other times it’s packed. And so it’s been a really great like when you travel on the road, it’s such a great way to practice new connecting techniques to reflect on your own thoughts, as well as to build new and incredible relationships. And it also makes traveling more fun when you’re really connecting. And I go through life trying to have a good time. I want to look back on all my days when it’s all said and done and say I made the most of this life. I won the game and traveling on the road and connecting on the road. It’s just part of the game. So I play to win. And that comes with connecting.

Bryan Paul Buckley 8:45
Great response. So what are some key principles then Jake of connecting with people on the road that whether they may be something we already know, we just need to be reminded of or maybe give us an aha moments? What are a few that you would recommend?

Jake Kelfer 8:58
Yeah, I mean, I think on the road you know, you always got to have that feeler out first, right? Because you have people on the road especially new people that you don’t know that are like, do I really want to talk to this person? Do they really want to talk to me and you got that awkward kind of feeling which normally stops people, it stops people enough to where they never make that first introduction.

Bryan Paul Buckley 9:17
Well, you know, Jake is the universal sign on a plane is the headphones, you know, you put the pitcher universal Do Not Disturb on and you’re right, there’s a level of awkwardness that’s there or whatever. So how do you handle that? What do you how do you overcome those things?

Jake Kelfer 9:32
We got to respect the headphones, right? You don’t want to be that guy, right? You don’t want to be that person that just they just ruin somebody’s day because then nobody’s getting the W. But what you got to do is you got to make that first interaction. Let’s talk about a plane right? When someone comes in and I call it the hustle and bustle, right? Because you’re in a plane you’re hustling and bustling. And what it is, is just that first time you sit down, right that first time you sit down, make that quick introduction. Make that quick introduction. here’s the key that differentiates people from Like a super quick combo to know Convo, and that’s asking the right question. It’s asking the right question and getting that conversation started immediately. Because you don’t have time, especially on a plane when you’re traveling to try to build up into the conversation.

Bryan Paul Buckley 10:14
So then give me a couple examples of what the right question would be.

Jake Kelfer 10:18
So the right question, right, the right question relates to something that you can put the dots together right away. So when I see somebody coming in, if they have a book that they’re pulling out of their backpack, I inquire about their book, people always want to talk about that, right? If they’re wearing any type of sporting outfit, I’m talking about that their team, you’re dressed up in a certain way I’m inquiring about that. You want to ask about something that you probably can assume they’re excited about passionate about, or it’s an expression of who they are as a person. You can even go to the most generic thing, right? And if they have a cool backpack, or go suitcase, hey, that’s a really cool carry on what kind is it? Everybody loves to be complimented. And when you frame a compliment in the form of a question, it’ll immediately make that person feel more comfortable.

Bryan Paul Buckley 10:59
That’s really good. framing the compliment in a form of a question. Now that’s money right there that that’s a counteroffer right there, we need to make sure we catch on that. So that’s perfect on that. the right questions. Um, give me another one or two.

Jake Kelfer 11:12
Another one is when you ask these questions, you got to make sure you’re listening.

Bryan Paul Buckley 11:15
I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. Would you say again?

Jake Kelfer 11:18
I love that.

Bryan Paul Buckley 11:18
I do not do that. Dude, I do that. No, you’re exactly right. Sometimes we ask the question, and then we act like we’re in it, we could care less so right?

Jake Kelfer 11:26
We asked the question, and then we’re already getting back into our seat and putting our headphones on, or getting on a phone looking at a text, right? We’re trying to build connection. So in order to build that connection, once you ask the question, listen to the response, because you never know who you’re talking to until you know who you’re talking to

Bryan Paul Buckley 11:42
Say that again.

Jake Kelfer 11:43
You don’t know who you’re talking to until you know who you’re talking to. Right. And you only will find out that information by listening to their responses and then diving deeper into that otherwise the conversation will end and it’s okay, sometimes this will happen sometimes there won’t be synergy there and that’s okay. But never missed out on an opportunity just because you weren’t paying attention or weren’t listening with the prospect with the intention to understand

Bryan Paul Buckley 12:08
or you stopped asking good questions, right questions, and then the conversation just does a painful death. So let’s, we referenced earlier this book, your book, The elevate your network, which I consumed, it was a great read a quick read a lot of practicalness out of there. And again, you reference the 25 keys. Love that great idea on that, you know, to build a stronger relationships in life and in business. So I’d like to hit on a few of these, and these are ones that stood out to me, especially with being a road warrior. Unpack for us what it means to elevate your elevator pitch.

Jake Kelfer 12:43
Yeah, of course. So I mean, the elevator pitch is a term that people use all the time, right. And I used it because it was elevate your elevator pitch kind of had that play on right there. But we’re looking at the end of the day, and this has evolved even since the book but at the end of the day, when somebody asks you what you do, or asks you who you are You have to have a good answer. The most successful businesses in today’s world and people that run businesses, especially people that are on the road, are able to get that answer out in one to two sentences. Being very, very clear on exactly who you are, what you’re done, what result you provide. And when you can really focus on that, it one, eliminates you having to try to explain everything else that you do. But it also allows that person to be very clear on what you do and connect dots quicker. So the clearer you are on what you say you do and your elevator pitch, the easier it is for someone to actually help you or to refer you or to dive deeper, developing that one on one relationship. Okay, so that’s good.

Bryan Paul Buckley 13:42
How does somebody do it? So they go, that’s a great idea. I need to be better at that. Or I could be better at that. How do you start to develop that?

Jake Kelfer 13:50
Why look as a guy who works in basketball, and there’s a guy who’s always about this belief that practice makes progress is this is a simple case of you just got to put in the work right. You got to evaluate “what exactly do you do?” And look, somebody might say, Well, I do a ton of things. I do a ton of things. Okay, pick one that you want to talk about right now. Right? Like if you’re involved in two different businesses, pick one business and roll with that. Now see what one people respond to better see what leads into it, play the room, look at your demographics of your audiences on social media, and then respond based off who the person is that you’re talking to. Right? You can be very methodical about your approach to a very simple question, right? And then the second thing that I would say is like, and I do this all the time, I’m like, Okay, what do I do? Who do I serve? What is the result I provide for people? Think about it, think about it, think about, and I kind of go over it, and I test it and I evaluate and I readjust. And I’m constantly doing this so that the more specific I get, it becomes automatic. And that’s what we’re trying to do is create an automatic response that is easy to understand.

Bryan Paul Buckley 14:54
That’s great. And oftentimes you can find if it’s not flying because there’s no follow up question. Or dude just goes back to his phone or fakes a hammy, you know, pulling a hammer or whatever. So you can you’re right about the feedback, you know, practice makes progress. love that quote, another one you’ve got, and I really liked this one was LinkedIn is the goat of business networking, unpack that one.

Jake Kelfer 15:18
So at the time of the book, LinkedIn, it still is, is one of the best platforms for you to be able to get your message out and be able to connect with people. It’s also the least invasive when it comes to traveling on the road and being in business. So LinkedIn is obviously we all know LinkedIn, right a professional networking platform, but when you’re talking about leveraging your experiences on the road to connect on LinkedIn follow up always reaffirms what it is that you just said in your elevator pitch, right? Because if you go on social media, and that person doesn’t use Instagram for business, which is likely going to be your second platform that you may check or Facebook, they’re likely not going to have their mission statement or what they do, but if you go on LinkedIn, it’s going to be easier to connect the dots again, because you’ll remember that person, you’ll see their location, you’ll see all of these things that remind you of who that person was. So in the scope of traveling LinkedIn is an incredibly powerful tool. But also, it’s what you call content deficient platform. There’s more people consuming content than there are people producing content. Therefore it’s a great platform for you to get more eyeballs, grow your followings quicker and ultimately create more leads for your business.

Bryan Paul Buckley 16:26
And for those of you that don’t know, goat is greatest of all time. And for those that don’t know, before we got on to this, we talked about the last dance, obviously being a Chicago Bulls fan and the greatest of all time and Michael Jordan on there. So really powerful. And I see your point, Jake, it does feed in I mean, you go for and that’s I methodically you know, from elevate your elevator pitch to moving into and taking that offline into well still online, but taking off the initial conversation moving into LinkedIn, and then also leveraging where it’s a lot of content is consumed that a lot of Put out there. So love it. That’s great. Now let’s have drinks because you brought up one that I loved and was very intriguing was to get drinks the right way, which is one of your health keys. So tell us about that.

Jake Kelfer 17:12
So I think there’s an art to getting drinks with colleagues and with coworkers or especially, you know, we’re just gonna play the theme on the road, right? That’s what this is all about. So we’re going to focus purely on that, like, I’m personally I’ve had, I’ve tried to have a lot of experience with this because I don’t like a lot of different drinks. And so one of the things that is super, super important when you’re getting drinks, the right way is to own your identity. Now, for a lot of people, some people when they get drinks, it leads four or five drinks, right? Well, if you know that that’s gonna happen. You got to understand what your tolerance is. You got to understand what does it take for you to get to a point where different words are to come out of your mouth, right? And depending on the industry, and depending on if you work for yourself or someone else, there’s a whole deeper process that we can dive into, of course, the most simply put is when you. You’re on the road, get the drink that’s going to make you feel the best in terms of bringing out the most confidence in yourself, the one that’s going to go down the easiest one that’s going to be easiest to communicate with. Right?

Jake Kelfer 18:11
So if you know you only have 30 minutes, it might be smart to grab one beer, right versus getting a drink that’s smaller like a cocktail that will be quicker to drink than maybe being that awkward like, do I get another one? Do I not, you don’t want to have the drink take you away from the meeting and the present moment. So I always like to I typically will get my favorite beer, which is Coors Light. I typically get a Coors Light when I’m ever having drinks because that’s me. It’s always a conversation starter. And it always is a simple way I know how that can last me anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes if I need to and allows me to continue on. So when you’re getting drinks the right way. Don’t just do what the other person is doing. Don’t just like, be confident in your approach is essentially what the key method is of getting drinks the right way. And if you want to be adventurous Be it adventurous, but do it in a way where it’s still your choice, you’re not doing it because somebody else is expecting you to do it. Right. And that’s how you can really, really assert yourself from a drink standpoint.

Bryan Paul Buckley 19:11
And I love the psychology behind this Jake because oftentimes, it’s just what we do. We’re just we’re gonna get drinks with somebody or whatever, we don’t really think about the end result of that, and how much I have or what I have, will that take away or enhance the whole purpose of this conversation? Now, if it’s just coworkers, just chilling out, watching a ballgame or something like a different context, but most of the time, that’s not what we’re talking about here, right? We’re talking about a business transaction or a customer or whatever, that could lead to hopefully further business or furthering the relationship to your point in the network. I’ve got another one here. Well, do your research was another one of your kelf keys?

Jake Kelfer 19:51
Yeah, I love how we’re going through the Kelf keys. Now, this is great, because look, all these words designed to be practical to be put into use immediately and that’s what this podcast is going to give Everyone that’s listening. Like you can walk away here with a bunch of different things, but doing your research, okay? This, this is something that’s super, super important when it comes to networking. The easiest way to get in touch with somebody or to create empathy and compassion between a relationship is to establish a commonality. Okay. When I reached out to you for our first ever point of contact, what did I mention in that in that in that outreach, and I know you’re gonna remember this?

Bryan Paul Buckley 20:25
Yeah, the Energizer Bunny.

Jake Kelfer 20:27
The Energizer Bunny. And I also mentioned one other thing, which was that you traveled to every ballpark.

Bryan Paul Buckley 20:31
Oh, that’s right. That’s right. That was in the email the Energizer Bunny was in the subject.

Jake Kelfer 20:36
Yes. And so when you’re talking about doing your research, it’s about understanding who is the person that you are meeting, right. So let’s say you’re just meeting somebody for the first time trying to see if there’s potential for collaboration. Do your research, look, go to LinkedIn, that’s where you get your business research. Check out their Instagram profile, because Instagram is gonna allow you to get inside their personal life. So they’re not private, you can actually find something, then what you do and I call this the fun fact frenzy is you find 1-3 Fun Facts About that other person. And you bring those up early on in your initial outreach, or you bring it up when you’re actually talking to them because it forms that bond. Because people naturally gravitate to people that have something in common with them. Doing your research on the person is super important. If you’re trying to close a deal or close a sale, doing your research on that company is super important, right? Understanding previous transactions, understanding some of the previous buyer’s understanding, who are some of the other vendors that they’ve used if you’re trying to get a deal on a contract out of it, right? And being able to really understand the key talking points. Now, if you want to take it even one step further. Right. And let’s say you’re trying to get a deal. You’re a consultant, you’re a coach, you’re trying to get a deal with a company, you’re trying to get a contract. And you know, some of the other people that they’ve done, well, sometimes taking it to the next level as you call the other company. And you act as if you’re somebody you know, you pick up the phone, you’re like, Hey, I’m calling. I know you work with them, how was your experience with them? Right, and you try to get in and try to get the secret sauce. The further you go down the research rabbit hole, the easier it’s going to be to know what to say and how to say. So I love doing my research because I’m a big preparer big planner, big understanding that I’d rather save the time and invest the time now I can have more success on the back end.

Bryan Paul Buckley 22:13
And it allows you to go deep so quick. Yeah, it’s amazing when you notice somebody is a Michigan fan. And then I’ll bring up you know, the Buckeyes meaning Ohio State, I don’t have a dog in the race man, I’m from Chicago sound like I got a college sport, I can really really push you know, I’m saying you bring up little things like that. And you get somebody revved up pretty quick, or in a good way, you know, make a comment with their you know, about somebody from Cleveland. I’m like, Yes. You know, being from Chicago, you know, sorry about that, you know, and they’ll come on now, is there some level of that personal side, and it truly does change the chemistry of the conversation or even the business meeting, but you get your you talked about asking the right questions. Obviously, that’s when you don’t you’ve met somebody for the very first time you’ve not been able to do the research. But if I do know that I’m going to meet Jeff Johnson, and I do know from his LinkedIn profile, you know, he went to this school was a rival School of mine, or he was in sports or whatever to your points or the family from Instagram. It’s amazing, the brownie points that somebody, you know, notices that I do that you did that most people don’t. I noticed that you did that right away. And you got a really quick response from me. We just, I mean, sometimes it happens. I mean, I always respond, but I wanted to respond. Because I’m like, wow, this guy. This guy’s got some skills.

Jake Kelfer 23:31
Yeah. And here’s the crazy thing about this, right? One of the biggest reasons why people don’t do this don’t do their research or don’t go out of their way is because they think it takes a lot of time. People think sometimes that networking, it takes too much time and so much energy will look, the best networkers are the ones that have the best businesses, right? You look at some of the most successful in the world, they’re the most connected people in the world, and they’ve been able to bring the right people together, right? That’s huge. But look at this. Whenever you’re reaching out to someone if you’re trying to get a new client, let’s just focus on that for this process. perspective, you’re on the road, right? And you have five minutes before your next meeting, and you want to try to get something out for somebody new or a follow up. Literally, this will take you this process three to five minutes at most per outreach. And the more you do it, the quicker you get. So I can bust out 10 different pitches in 10 different pitches in an email. And I can do that in 25 minutes. And that’s 10 new contacts I’m probably gonna make and my response rates go through the roof, whether it’s on Instagram or email, and that just starts the downward spiral because then once you meet them, and you do a good job there, they’re gonna want to introduce you to somebody else. And then it starts spiraling all in a positive direction for you as the initial outreach because you took three minutes to invest.

Bryan Paul Buckley 24:41
And we have three minutes. Yeah, because I’m sitting next to the guy who doesn’t have three minutes who is on Instagram, Twitter, scrolling, so I know he’s got that it’s we’re really kind of when we get to come on, man. I mean, really, it’s a matter is it a priority, because you can’t give him give me an excuse. You don’t have the time. We’ll be back for the remainder of this interview after this short break?

Buckley Kiddos 25:09
This is flat Kaitlyn. This is flat Kaleb. And we’re the Buckley flat kiddos. Our dad takes us everywhere on the road. We see nice hotels, we drive cool rental cars. We meet people my dad meets on the road and we get to see the sights from the places my dad visits and we even get in a little bit of trouble on the road. Well, at least you do all because we’re flat kiddos. And you could do the same for your kids. Just go to EliteRoadWarrior.com/store to purchase your own flat kiddos today. You can choose an elementary boy or girl. You can even choose a toddler boy or girl just go to EliteRoadWarrior.com/store to purchase your own flat kiddos today, your kids will love us.

Break Promo 26:12
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Bryan Paul Buckley 27:24
So speaking of that, let’s kind of go in a different direction. How do we make connecting and networking part of our routine that’s your point where it doesn’t feel like it’s a lot of time, doesn’t feel maybe overwhelming or possibly even a waste of time? How do we put that into our bones, the context of the road? How do we get that into our road routine, Jake?

Jake Kelfer 27:47
So you know, I was thinking about this before we jumped on here because this is something that that I’ve tried to practice and implement because I’m guilty as anybody of like, I am my routine I get, I get ready to go on the plane and that routine, just disappears, right? Netflix time increases, the music, the iTunes, the podcast, everything just increases. And then I skip out on some of the things that I consistently do on a regular basis. So one of the things that I’ve really focused on and I’ve read a bunch of books on the habits and really studied how can I put this psychology together. And one of the big things that we have to think about when we understand how habits are built in the first place, is we have to understand that some of them stemmed from our motivation, the more motivated we are, the more likely we are to do it for a single duration. Second thing is, is our ability. The best habits are the ones that are the easiest to do, right. If you put your clothes out in the morning, you’re more likely to put those clothes on and run. Right. So when you’re on the road and you’re getting ready to travel, there are certain things that I like to do called habit stacking, where I stack on the actions I want to take with things I’m already going to be doing. But that makes it easy while I’m getting on the road.

Jake Kelfer 28:49
So for example here, for example, let’s say you go you know, you’re going to go through security and you’re going to check in, okay, typically, what’s the first thing that you do after security is you go get a seat You sit down and wait till you’re bored. As soon as your computer opens up, use that as the trigger to send one outreach use that as a trigger to send one piece of networking communication, or one follows up or whatever it is, right, that’s gonna get you in the habit. Then when you’re doing it, you may already keep rolling, right? Here’s another thing. Let’s say you don’t want to do that. But let’s say you’re gonna check your email. As soon as you check your email, I call it the Gmail redirect. Okay? The Gmail redirect says that as soon as you pull out your email before you shut down your email, you send something out. What we’re doing when we’re on the road is just adding it to what we’re already doing. So that it’s easy for us to execute. Let’s say you want to meet somebody new? Well, the best way to meet somebody new is go sit closer to somebody, right? The best thing to do is that when you’re going to check in, focus on asking the right question, look for somebody that has something that you want to talk about, and go sit near them and ask them those questions right. Now. Again, don’t overdo it, and don’t be that annoying person in the airport. But very commonly, people, it’s proven that people actually become happier when other people initiate the convo. Even if both people don’t think initially they want to talk to each other. You can look at the study, but it was done on a train where people were talking to random strangers. And at the end of them, they both reported elevated happiness and fulfillment, even though initially, neither one of them would have ever said they weren’t talked to that other person. So that’s what it really is all about is like finding things you’re already doing. Figure out what you really want to do, that you’re not doing. Add that to what you’re already doing, and make it as easy as possible. And if you can do that, you’ll be able to execute big habits and networking along the road.

Bryan Paul Buckley 30:38
And those are great examples. I mean, you think about you know, it’s being strategic, you know, you’re walking into a room like a network, who do I want to connect with the same thing when you get to a gate or you walk into a bar at the airport, for example, or, you know, if I’m at an Embassy Suites, you know, and there’s a large area right there, that common area right in there, you’re looking around and seeing Who’s that person you can connect with you feel like there may be some synergy Is there. So those are great, great examples of that. So let’s talk a little bit more about you in these next couple of questions. Jake. You’re going moving into kind of this group coaching program. So why was it started? And can you tell us a little bit about that?

Jake Kelfer 31:15
Yeah. So, we’ve been developing and we have a bunch of people going through the program right now. It’s called elite elevation. And basically, what we what we’ve done and the reason why we did is because when I started the speaking business and the book writing business that kind of took off, we figured out how to do it, I figured out that system and it was all come back to relationships, right? When I started the combine, the only reason we had success was because of the relationship that we built. Now, here’s the thing people like, well, you probably had all the relationships, no, no, everything started from scratch, everything built. And I established and grew these networks in multiple different industries. And it led to very successful businesses. Also, it allowed me to travel and have freedom and enjoy the journey in the pursuit of greatness and it’s been able to catapult the success, right? So what we did was we boiled it all down. We’re like, what are the key things that are really bringing people to the top in their line of work, and how do we help people really start and grow their businesses. And that’s what elite elevation is. So elite elevation is our group coaching program that basically puts our core framework into video modules with handouts, activities, exercises, you get access to all of our templates and scripts and all these incredible things that like, let you see what are the pitches that I’m sending out that are getting 70 plus percent open rates and huge response rates, the same script I’m using to book 50 podcasts in a month, or whatever it is, right? We do Q and A’s weekly training sessions, mentor sessions, and it’s all part of this program. Um, and so we’re just I’m just super excited about it. And it’s been a joy because now we get to answer everyone’s questions of how did you do this? This is how we do it. And this is how you can do it and do it quickly.

Bryan Paul Buckley 32:44
Love it, man. And I’ll make sure that we’ve got a link in the show notes if anybody wants more information on that. So before I asked you how we find out more about you, any closing thoughts you want to leave with us today?

Jake Kelfer 32:55
I think no matter what it is that you’re doing, whether it’s on the road, whether it’s in person, whether you’re struggling to do something, whether you want to do more of something, right, because you’re on the road, you’re probably performing, right, you’re on the road you’re performing. And there are going to be times where we hesitate to start. And I’ll just leave you with this, it’s a quote from my dad. And I’ll give you a quote from my mom because I love them both very much. My dad will always say that we’re always looking for shortcuts. The only real shortcut is to start now. And so all you got to do is no matter where we’re going through and matter what you’re doing when you’re on the road is just start. It might not be easy to connect with someone on the airport that first time. Start. It might not be the best Instagram story of you filming yourself while you’re in the airport. Start. Okay. And then my other piece that I love to share with people because this piece of advice has helped me like stay calm, even when I’m on the road, is to always remember this comes from my mom to live in the moment and enjoy the journey. Think about how blessed we are to get on an airplane and travel. Think about how amazing is that we have a job that we get to go pursue our dreams right? Think about how incredible it is that you may be getting off airplane, you may find the love of your life, right? Think about how incredible that is, or who you might meet on a plane. I have a friend he met John Legend on a plane, I have another friend who met his favorite musician, I have another friend. I mean, the stories go on and on and on, right? And really what it comes down to is, are you doing what you love? Are you making an impact, and I’ve been able to be profitable off of that, that thing. And if you can do that, you’re gonna be crushing it as an elite Road Warrior.

Bryan Paul Buckley 34:28
Well, I really appreciate the quotes from your parents. That’s awesome. My dad’s quote was “just because I feed you, doesn’t mean I like you.” So maybe I need to get a little bit higher quotes for my dad. I’m kidding. He’s a quote machine as well. So I really do appreciate that great way to sum everything up. How do we find out more about you? Obviously, we’ll put links in the show notes but just in general, to follow you learn more from you.

Jake Kelfer 34:54
I’m on all social media, LinkedIn, obviously, I’m on LinkedIn. You guys connect to me. They’re just my name. I’m on Instagram @JakeKelfer, that’s probably the platform that I’m on most related to social websites. JakeKelfer.com. And for all your listeners if you guys enjoyed hearing me talk a little bit about elevate your network, we’ll hook you up with the free copy. All you got to do is just pay a small shipping fee, but we’ll take care of all you guys. We’ll get you guys free copies and that link is in my Instagram bio or on my website,

Bryan Paul Buckley 35:22
perfect. We’ll link you up and I don’t mean well LinkedIn you up but also link as well. Well, Jake, man, I love this conversation. These are one of the rare ones where you just keep going and going and going. I highly, highly recommend the book, elevate your network, personal read on my own. So obviously I want to make sure that I’m recommending things that are of value. And obviously man, there are just a number of good ones. And we only hit on 4 of the 25 there as far as specifics. So there’s a lot of practicality to this there. So Jake, thanks for spending time with us for blessing us with a number of really really good tips and making this better to become and remain an elite road warrior.

Jake Kelfer 35:57
Yeah, thank you for having me.

Bryan Paul Buckley 36:13
I’d like to thank Jake Kelfer man, for his energy for his ideas, his challenges, and his insights to help us become and remain elite road warriors. You can find the transcript and everything referenced in this interview in the show notes at eliteroadwarrior.com/084 along with a free resource 10 business travel hacks guide in the show notes. Learn the years and years of hacks that I’ve learned that you can learn in mere moments. And guess what? It’s absolutely free. As always, wherever you are, do something, anything, just not nothing to master the business travel life. leverage what you learn today from Jake Kelfer to become an elite Road Warrior. You got this!

Bryan Paul Buckley 37:07
Love that guy’s energy!

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Lessons Learned

Suggested Next Steps

10 Most Often Asked Questions Asked of Me About Road Life

1 – How do you eat healthy on the road?

2 – How do you workout on the road?

3 – How do you get a better night of sleep on the road?

4 – What is your morning routine?

5 – How do you stay connected with those you love back home?

6 – What took you the longest to change and why?

7 – What do you regret the most on the road?

8 – What do I still struggle with on the road?

9 – How do you handle it when you blow it on the road?

10- What advice would you give for a newer business traveler?

Five Lies About Business Travel

Lie #1 – Business Travel is a luxurious life

Lie #2 – It’s hard to eat healthy on the road

Lie #3- I have no control of my time on the road

Lie #4 – My family is not affected when I’m on the road

Lie #5 – There are no temptations with business travel

Why I Use the Flat Kiddos Concept

How I Use the Flat Kiddos Concept

How Do You Make Your Flat Kiddos?

Here are Six Ideas for my Flat Kiddos

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