Complimentary Analysis

CONNECT

042 – Interview Mashup: 6 Energy Habits Review Show Notes

Welcome to the Elite Road Warrior Podcast Episode 042 show notes! This week is an interview mashup episode reviewing the 6 Energy Habits!

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

1:20 – 6 Energy Habits Quick Review

2:17 – Jeff McMahon – MOVE (Original Episode 018)

5:07 – Treva Thompson – FUEL (Original Episode 006)

7:50 – Terry Cralle – REST (Original Episode 008)

11:35 – Alan Stein Jr. – PERFORM (Original Episode 010)

15:05 – Mirdu Parikh – CONNECT (Original Episode 022)

20:27 – Scott Mawdesley – DEVELOP (Original Episode 040)

29:33 – Megan Bearce – CONNECT (Original Episode 024)

36:15 – Dr. Nick Howard – CONNECT (Original Episode 014)

40:00 – Closing

 

Links and Resources:

Road Warrior Assessment
Elite Road Warrior Book

 

 

How to Prove to Those Back Home You Truly Care on the Road

There’s no doubt Barry loves his family. Nobody would ever question his commitment to his wife and kids. But there’s a breakdown for Barry: when he gets on the road, he has a real tendency to be “hit or miss” connecting back at the ranch.

It’s not on purpose, but the road takes on a life of its own, and he finds himself checking in at odd times, “in the margins,” and he is often very distracted when he does check-in.

I feel you, Barry. He all too often hears his wife saying, “Barry, what else are you doing? Are you checking your email or texts?”

Barry has become a check-in guy on the road. He checks in when it’s convenient for him and gets the highlights, but that’s about it. His family has never really said anything to him about it but he knows his efforts in this area are marginal at best.

The good news about Barry is he realizes it and wants to make some changes in this area, but he is not sure exactly how to do it. Barry met me at the airport one day when I was doing something creative called Flat Kiddos.

Immediately, Barry resonated with the effort and a spark was lit in him to connect at an intentional level with his family while on the road.

 

 

I’ve learned through the years you become a check-in guy by default. No effort is required, and when many other road warriors don’t even do THAT, it makes you feel like you’re an over-achiever on the road. But the check-in guy is not the ultimate goal. It’s to become a connect-in guy.

One of the most difficult parts of becoming a connect-in guy and leaving a check-in guy behind was my struggle with intentionality.

It was just SO easy to send a text here and there, to do a quick “check-in” call or Face Time video chat. And there was nothing wrong with that except that was the only thing I was doing for years! It was predictable, inconsistent, and not strengthening my most important relationships.

The reality is most do the usual occasional text, phone call, or possibly video chat. This is the bare minimum. I’m going to assume you’re doing “at least” this on the road. If not, then this is a free wake-up call.

C’mon, man – get in the game. But we’re going to ramp this up big time so those in your life will, in time, see a difference in their relationship with you, no matter where you are!

What does it take to connect intentionally? It requires these three key areas. Even though there are only three, do NOT assume these will be easy. These three are brutal and brutally important.

 

Three Ways to Prove to Those Back Home You Truly Care on the Road

 

  1. BE COMMITTED

When I first started to be more connected with the family, my biggest struggle was my inconsistency. I would be actively engaged on one trip, then would “go dark” on the next.

It wasn’t by design; it just seemed to happen. Easy to do, and I had every excuse to back it up (verified by other road warriors who sucked at connecting), but do you know what was lost the most? An opportunity to build momentum due to consistency.

This can’t be a “one and done.” If anything, it will confuse your family and they will wonder if something is going on with you. If you’re married, your spouse may think you’re up to something!

 

Your Commitment to Connect Needs to Remain, No Matter What – Susan Buckley

 

If you’re going to have a busy day or evening, carve out a few minutes to think ahead and plan ahead. Most travel schedules can be navigated by planning ahead, which we discussed in detail with the perform energy habit. Now that you know you need to be committed to your connect energy habit, you’ll need to begin looking for ways you can keep up the momentum.

Your schedule will be your biggest inhibitor to your consistency at first. But remember, your commitment to connect needs to remain, no matter what. It becomes a vow to your family that you’re going to be the road warrior who is committed to going beyond the bare minimum to deepen your most important relationships.

Did you catch that?

A commitment. This means it’s a priority and that often means NOT doing something else in order to honor your commitment. This is possible once you embrace becoming intentional in how you connect with those you care about while on the road.

But initially, this is an internal commitment or with another road warrior. This is NOT to be proudly declared to your family in some grand presentation. You don’t call a family meeting, have everyone sit in front of the living room and impress them with your PowerPoint on how you will be committed.

Why not? You are really good at PowerPoint, after all. Well, although that might be true, they need to experience your commitment, not have it announced. They need to feel it, not be told about it. Over a period of time, that is as consistent as your travel.

This may be one of your biggest challenges on the road. You think eating healthy or exercising is difficult? I deeply encourage you to make this commitment internally and prove it externally.

It can be done and is done every day of business travel for an elite road warrior. But part of being committed in this manner requires a character quality rarely found in most people, let alone a road warrior, namely being patient.

 

2. BE PATIENT

I’ve found most road warriors are anything but patient. One would think that the road, with all of its challenges and opportunities, would teach us patience!

But patience in the area of growing your connection with your family while on the road is paramount. If you’ve been a slacker in this area of travel, be realistic.

It will take time to warm your family back up to this “new way” of connecting with you. If you’re anything like me, you’re also impatient and will want instant recognition for your incredible efforts.

You’ll want full credit and right away – heaps of praise thrown on to you like your experience on the road. But, it probably won’t happen that way.

They may be even skeptical at first and not respond the way you wanted or hoped for, especially with the effort you put in. You may hear crickets.

You may get pushback like, “What was that for?” But keep the faith. It’s worth it in the long run because you’re investing in the people you love, and they will very likely grow to love and depend on your investment into their lives while you’re away.

Often, I need to remind travelers that neglected relationships often take longer to heal. It took months and even years for the relationship to decay, so it’s going to take time for it to turn around.

It’s hard when you put the time and effort for it not to be appreciated. But just because there wasn’t the expected response, doesn’t mean it didn’t matter to them.

Here’s a challenge: Don’t ask how they felt about what you did to connect on your trip and what they think about it – let them come to you. When you ask, it puts them on the spot to say what they think you want to hear, not what they may really be feeling. So, let them bring it up to you.

 

3. PLANNED

You may be Spontaneous Scott or Sharon, and you can be that from time to time, but to be intentional, it must be planned. How consistent are you with your current check-in system? And the results? Just average at best?

I’m with you, man. I did it this way for years, and it made very little difference. I can’t speak for you, but I want any efforts over time to make a lasting difference, especially with my family; hence the need to change and plan it.

This is what it looks like for me. I schedule CONNECT in my planner, just like I do a meeting or anything work-related because what gets scheduled, gets done or at least the chances of it getting done dramatically increase.

Plan the When – This is absolutely critical, especially when you’re starting out and building this as a habit in your road routine. You don’t need to schedule an hour.

When you first start out, it may be only 5 or 10 minutes. I suggest 15 minutes so you don’t feel rushed, but put on the calendar CONNECT and lock it in. If you can put it in the same place most days, it will only help the habit to take form.

MOST of the time, I schedule CONNECT before my day has a chance of going off the tracks, so it’s more likely to happen. It’s become part of my energy hour, so I know it gets done, usually before my family even wakes up.

Plan the What – In order to be effective, you need to know what you’re going to do to connect.

We’ll get into the details of a number of ideas for “the what”, but know in advance it’s part of the planning. Being clear about “the what” will only help build a lasting habit that makes a real difference with those who matter most.

 

Key Reminder – STILL DO THE USUAL

I want to challenge you to commit just as much to do the usual text, phone call, and video chat. They still add tremendous value! Just be all the more committed.

I love nothing more than seeing those I love back home on a screen and how happy they are to see me. It warms my heart.

Remember, oftentimes it’s more for them than it is for you. So, put your big boy pants on, get over your day, and make the call. Often, it’s harder on me when we hang up, but those are the times it reminds me just how important those back home mean and matter to me.

They deserve every second and ounce of my attention and commitment to stay connected with them on the road.

 

BABY STEP TO CONNECT INTENTIONALLY

Commit to doing one small intentional thing each day you’re on the road.

The goal is consistency, and if you get overwhelmed upfront, it will be easy to give up, which is the worst thing for intentionality.

 

THREE-POINTERS

1. The Check-in guy does the bare minimum. Don’t be that guy – become the Connect-in guy or the Connect-in girl.
2. Your commitment to Connect needs to remain, no matter what.
3. You must plan when to Connect and plan what you’ll do to connect and then be patient!

 

038 – Connecting While on the Road with Susan Buckley

Welcome to the Elite Road Warrior Podcast Episode 038 show notes! This week, an interview with the ERW Podcast’s favorite Elite Road Warrior spouse: Susan Buckley and a discussion on CONNECTING with those back home.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

1:45 – Susan Buckley Intro

4:03 – 1) How hard is the 1st day for you personally when I leave for a business trip?

038 – Connecting While on the Road with Susan Buckley Click To Tweet

5:15 – 2) How do you handle doing everything yourself as a single mom when I’m gone?

6:50 – 3) How do you handle meals when I’m gone?

12:11 – 4) When are we most likely to have conflict and argue?

038 – Connecting While on the Road with Susan Buckley Click To Tweet

14:30 – 5) How did you and still do from time to time handle when I come home exhausted and help very little around the house or engage with you and the kids?

18:06 – 6) What are some of the changes you’ve seen in me going from a Check-In Guy to a Connect In Guy” engaging with you and the kids more on the road through the years?

28:35 – 7) What would you tell a Road Warrior who is not connecting with those back home?

038 – Connecting While on the Road with Susan Buckley Click To Tweet Don't underestimate the little things #EliteRoadWarrior #CONNECT #LovedOnes #Family Click To Tweet

33:15 – Wrap Up

Links and Resources: 

Road Warrior Assessment
Elite Road Warrior Book

The ERW Podcast brought to you by the book Super Commuter Couples: Staying Together When A Job Keeps You Apart by Megan Bearce.

 

Three Mindset Shifts to Stay Connected With Those Back Home

I’ve met too many road warriors through the years who the most important thing to them, their relationships, were the quickest to get neglected. 

Why?

They didn’t feel the consequences right away. 

I know because I was that guy too.

When I first started traveling, I was completely unaware of how my business travel life would affect my family and friends in the short term let alone the long term.

I was simply excited to see a new city or have a new experience and wanted to share it with my family and friends – who wouldn’t, right?

But their response was a “good for you” or “wow, must be rough to travel for work.” They saw the highlights and of course, that’s all I was sharing with them.

 

Here’s the key and where I went wrong: I somehow forgot that their lives back home continued as mine took a pause while I hopped on a plane, stayed at a nice hotel, and had my meals prepared for me with no responsibilities at home.

They quickly grew weary of my updates that only seemed to highlight their mundane life back home. Another day just like yesterday.

But when the weeks became months and the months became years, distance started to grow more than just the miles from home and my next city.

One of the areas I hear Road Warriors struggle when they open up and are truly honest is staying connected with those they love back home. It’s a challenge to maintain a relationship where you’re simply not there.

You may be married and have kids like me. Or you may be like Mia, a data consultant, who I met on a flight to Phoenix from Chicago. She’s single, in a relationship she cares about and wonders if it can be sustained on the road. And should she continue to be a road warrior if she ultimately wants to have a relationship because her boyfriend is concerned about how much she’s gone?

Connecting is a real issue whether you’re experiencing the pain or not.

And that’s one of the problems: you don’t feel the consequences or the pain right away.

Author, Andy Stanley, talks about learning the difference between Problems to Solve and Tensions to Manage. Often there is a clear difference and with relationships on the road, this a clear Tension to Manage with tension as the keyword many times.

When I talked to other Road Warriors about this challenge, their feelings were strong. Maybe you can relate…

EVER FELT THIS WAY?

  •  I’m killing it on the road but getting killed at home
  • I’m important on the road but invisible at home
  • I’m in control when I travel but lose control in my own home
  • I tell others what to do on the road but only get told what to do at home
  • The guilt of being gone is just overwhelming and feel my kids will hold it against me someday

OTHER “OFF THE CUFF” COMMENTS WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS…

  • After a week or two home, my wife would ask me when my next trip was scheduled because I was messing up her groove at home
  • My spouse and I are just house managers now. I do my road thing and she does the home thing. Not ideal but it is what it is and we make it work
  • I don’t want to keep dating you because you’re always gone – I’m tired of just random texts or calls when it’s only convenient for you
  • This is the ideal marriage – you have direct deposit and rarely home!
  • My marriage didn’t make it because we just grew apart with my travel and being gone so long. We both didn’t try but I feel the most guilt for not trying hard at all when I was on the road. Oh, the regrets

Hard but true comments from real Road Warriors.

It’s easy to have the road become a place of escape from the busyness and the responsibilities back home. And when you have some of the above feelings or can relate to the quotes, it makes the business travel life all the more appealing.

But I want you to excel in every aspect of your business travel life not just your work.

Too many RW, sacrifice their health and their home life for the sake of work then find themselves looking for work years later, overweight, in the worst shape of their life with their relationships back home struggling to survive after years of neglect. Often, you can get your health back in order because that’s solely in your control. 

Three Mindset Shifts to Stay Connected With Those Back Home

1. RESPECT THEIR LIVES ARE CONTINUING BACK HOME WITHOUT YOU

It is hard accepting this simple reality but it’s true. Just as you’re gone doing what you do on the road, they’re at home doing their lives, business as usual with or without you and often they have the exact same routine every single day when our schedule on the road is often the complete opposite.

The longer you travel, the more those back home “get used to” you being gone and they adjust, adapt, and make the best of it. Now personally, I don’t like to be replaced so I have a hard time with this one. I also don’t like to think others are moving on without me. But this is the mindset shift that I had to make to begin to stay connected with those back home.

Too often my schedule is the only thing at the forefront of my mind and I need to be reminded my daughter has volleyball tonight and my son has soccer. My oldest is studying for a big test and my little one’s cough is getting worse.

When you come back home, there’s catch up to do with family and friends. You do what you can on the road, but the more days you’re gone, the more life events you miss, this reality becomes all the more a reality.

You must begin respecting their lives are not on pause simply because you’re on a business trip.

Here’s the Key Takeaway: Respect may look more like asking and listening than talking and impressing.

2. REALIZE THOSE BACK HOME MAY NOT WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING

I had an opportunity to apply this one and blew it albeit with good intentions. My wife loves sunsets so I drove to the coast only a few miles away in California after my meetings so we could FaceTime and enjoy it together. The weather was awesome, the view was even better, it was picturesque.

My kids were soaking it in and my wife starts to cry and not those tears of joy kind. The sun could NOT have set fast enough, and it’s still a joke between us now but I sure didn’t get it at the moment.

I remember when I finally got this point – I was in La Jolla, CA for a business dinner in a restaurant that overlooked the cliff into the Pacific Ocean. And like it couldn’t be any better, the sunset was amazing, the wine was great, and the two professional athletes were sitting next to me.

Then my phone rings from my wife. Of course, she calls now. And I didn’t want to answer but I did. I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut. I was gone all week, this was my last night and the last thing she needed and wanted to hear was what an amazing night I was having when it was below zero back home back in Chicago and one of the kids was throwing up.

I finally got this lesson to realize they may not want to know everything. We need to realize and be guarded what we share from our highlights. If they do seem to enjoy it, they may be doing it just to be nice!

Here’s the Key Takeaway: Knowing when and how to involve those back home in your life on the road. I’ve learned to ask my wife just how much she wants to know about my dinner or location – this question is from doing it the wrong way too many times.I’ve learned to ask my kids what they want to see or hear about which has been so helpful.

For my friends, well, I love to rub it in when I’m at spring training, the ocean, or a ballgame while on the road knowing it will “poke the bear” and always serves for some good banter.

Be conscious and respectful by realizing what those back home want and even need to hear from you.


3. REACHING OUT SHOULD LOOK DIFFERENTLY

The obvious hard reality is the road limits us on how and when we reach out.

But often we can use this as an excuse because of the limitations and inconveniences.

I was better than the average at “checking in” back home but it was usually just that, checking in. It was on MY time and MY means (text / phone / video call).

And when I did, sadly I was often distracted and not giving what “little time” I did have for those back home, my full attention.

My wife knew and often my kids unintentionally would call me out: “Dad, what are you reading right now?” “Why are you looking around?” Caught.Nailed.The Check-In is necessary but the bare minimum. But the Connect-In goes over and above and requires so much more of us but worth every moment of it.

Here’s the Key Takeaway: At some point on the road, we need to move from the Check-In Guy or Girl to the Connect-In Guy or Girl. Those back home deserve us reaching out differently and more about them, not about fitting them in “when we have a moment” that is only convenient for us.

There are many creative and thoughtful ways to Connect-In but this comes with maturity and commitment to truly stay connected with those you love back home.

I encourage you to get the Elite Road Warrior book and consume then apply the Connect energy habit section and chapters

It’s an investment that will prove incredibly long term results in an area that truly matters in the long run – those we love back home… 

Let’s Land this Plane

We need to change three mindsets to stay connected not just check in with those back home:

  1. Respecting their lives are continuing on with you

Key Takeaway – Respect may look more like asking and listening than talking and impressing.

  1. Realize those back home may not want to know everything

Key Takeaway – Knowing when and how to involve those back home in your life on the road

  1. Reaching out should look differently

Key Takeaway – At some point on the road, we need to move from the Check-In Guy or Girl to the Connect-In Guy or Girl. Now, the 2nd Phase of the Elite Road Warrior Levels is to become the Experimental Road Warrior.

I had to learn to experiment with ways that would truly connect with those back home. And it was fun learning what worked and what was just okay. 

The 6th Energy Habit CONNECT is absolutely critical in order to becoming an Elite Road Warrior and a well-rounded balanced business traveler.

The Elite Road Warrior Book goes into great detail on how to shift these three mindsets to move you from a Check-In to a Connect-In Guy or Girl.I unpack the three critical aspects of CONNECT: 

  1. Connect Intentionally
  2. Connect Thoughtfully
  3. Connect Creatively

You hear those and may think one of two things:

  1. Those sound too easy or easy enough
  2. Wait, I’m already doing those

Then get the book and find out. I know I was ahead of most on Checking In with the Fam and Friends but looking back, that was entry level, not an elite level I’ve worked up to with hard work through the years of being intentional, thoughtful, and creative.

So many examples and ideas, including pictures, are included in the book under this 6th and last energy habit.

 

I challenge you to really think through if you’re a Check-In Guy or Girl. Be honest. Do you fit those back home in the margins of only YOUR schedule? Do you give them your full attention and fully present when you are connecting with them? Are you respecting their world without you while you’re gone?

My hope is you’ll be motivated and inspired to become a Connect-In Guy or Girl who learns to excel in this key focus area of the business travel life.

An ERW does not assume they’ve made it already – they want to be challenged and measured always looking for ways to grow and improve…

So, wherever you are on the road, do something, anything just not nothing to master the business travel life. Leverage that road to become an elite road warrior today. YOU GOT THIS!