Bryan Paul Buckley 0:02
Episode 096 of the Elite Road Warrior Podcast. Welcome to the Elite Road Warrior Podcast where we believe you can leverage the road to transform your work, health and home life while on business travel, to ultimately master the business travel life. If you’re a road warrior, and a great chance you’re on the road right now then this podcast is for you.
Bryan Paul Buckley 0:33
Welcome to the Elite Road Warrior Podcast. I’m your host, Bryan Paul Buckley, fellow road warrior, husband of one, father of five, and on a mission to help business travelers eliminate burnout, and exceed results. I’m also committed to each and every business trip to becoming and remaining an elite road warrior. And I’d love nothing more than for you to join my master evil plan in this worthwhile road trip. Back in Episode 85, we discussed an unusually dark topic, five downward spiral choices into the dark side of business travel. Due to the heaviness of this topic, I brought in a specialist to be able to kind of unpack, man some of those heavy, heavy issues that we were discussing there. So if you’ve not listened to Episode 85, I encourage you to go back to it. But this episode here is going to reference that. So let’s meet our subject matter expert.
Bryan Paul Buckley 1:25
Dr. Nick Howard is a seasoned psychologist and leadership coach. For over 15 years, Nick has helped leaders perform at higher levels while intentionally treasuring their most important relationship. Dr. Howard has traveled nationally and internationally providing training to help strengthen leaders he knows personally and professionally the joys and challenges of business travel as he flies regularly. Today, Dr. Howard will help us understand and unpack the following questions: What does freedom in isolation create in a road warrior? What is the double-edged sword of experimenting on the road? What are the long term consequences of bad road habits? How do you know when you’ve crossed the line between a habit and an addiction? What do you do when you feel guilt, shame, and hopelessness? And as always, even with a very difficult conversation here – with so much encouragement, so much more.
Bryan Paul Buckley 2:51
It’s go time. Well, I’m live right now with the doctor Nick Howard. How are you? And where are you, my friend?
Dr. Nick Howard 3:13
Bryan Buckley? The man, the myth the legend, doing well, thanks. I’m at home, looking out my office window. It’s a beautiful fall day. And unfortunately, the Gophers lost last night in overtime by a point to Maryland. So I’m grieving that loss. But I’m doing all right. I’m doing all right.
Bryan Paul Buckley 3:32
Well, hopefully, you got to fast track where that with being a psychologist. But I digress. And we’ll unpack that and a whole bunch of things there. But being a former fellow big tenor, I’m with you on there, I want to see everybody win in the big 10. But well, ironically, with this interview, you know, we have a lot of history together. For those that don’t know, you have been one of my counselors for an extended period of time, along with a dear close friend. And we’ve been able to walk that very unique line and you’ve been an unbelievable blessing in my life through and again between us girls, and all those listening at home or even on the road through a lot of these topics that we are unpacking here today. So if there’s anybody that’s an authority on this, it is you my friend, and I’m looking at sharing the law because this is coming from a previous episode of The Dark Side of business travel and downward spirals of them the dark side of business travel. So I want to make sure from that episode we are talking through what do we do with those from a psychological point of view. I also want to say one more thing. You’re a business traveler as well when you’re speaking and doing training all over the world. But you’re also still human, male, and even incredibly trained in psychology. So I just want to say that upfront for context for those who are listening, and you speak from experience professionally, but also personally.
Dr. Nick Howard 4:50
Amen. Yeah, I am human too. There’s no denying that. That is for sure. That’s for sure.
Bryan Paul Buckley 4:56
So let’s um, let’s dive right in, Nick. I mean, there’s a lot to go through here. So let’s kind of start from the freedom and isolation side of the coin. We get on the road, man, we got a lot of freedom, a lot of time that’s there. So what does maybe this freedom and isolation create in a road warrior?
Dr. Nick Howard 5:15
Yeah, it’s a good question. I know, having done training and traveled for about 14 years before COVID hit, I guess you might say that I know, there were times that if I was experiencing tension with my wife, or tension with my kids or work was really stressful, I was really excited about the freedom that I would experience on the road like I can stay up as long as I want, I don’t have to have conversations I don’t want to have, I can go out to restaurants, etc, etc.
Dr. Nick Howard 5:46
And so there’s, there’s a lot of temptation, though. And I would say, particularly, like I just mentioned, when we’re leaving home in a negative space, if we just had a fight with our spouse, or had a negative encounter with our kids, I would say a temptation becomes much more attractive at times like that. So using our freedom poorly is much more likely when we’re in a negative emotional state because we want to self soothe, or medicate or distract, right. So being really clear about where we’re at, before we go, or as we’re going, I think is really important. Because if you’re in a tough place, you want to be that much more mindful about, “How do I stay connected with friends?” “How do I be in touch with the people that will help me make good choices?” You know, so there’s, there’s excitement about going if you’re in a good place because you get to experience you know, new places go out to eat, maybe play some golf, go to a baseball park like you often do. And if you’re in a great place, then you can enjoy that in a place of security or health. But it’s, it’s especially important when you’re leaving in negative space to really be that much more mindful. Because to the extent that we’re not, we can find ourselves in places that we regret pretty quickly.
Bryan Paul Buckley 7:00
And that’s so true. And it actually leads to kind of these next couple things, or whether we’re talking about experimenting or bad habits or addictions. So let’s start with everything experimenting, Nick, what is the double-edged sword of experimenting on the road? I mean, it could be because of that escape, or it could be Hey, because of my new business, travel and have all these new found freedoms? How do we handle those experiments on the road?
Dr. Nick Howard 7:22
Yeah, so the cool thing about business travel is often you’re meeting new people. So it’s a chance to start a new and practice being maybe assertive or asking questions, or what’s my new elevator speech if you will. How do I introduce myself to people? And how do they respond and so that’s the exciting part, or playing a new golf course for that matter?
Bryan Paul Buckley 7:44
I’m seeing a reoccurring theme here.
Dr. Nick Howard 7:48
Gotta love golf. So uh, that’s the exciting part. The… the experimentation piece, though, that’s… that’s dangerous is, you know, when you’re traveling, you’re going to be in places where most people don’t know you, especially if you slip off or if you’re not traveling with other people. So you can go places that you wouldn’t go otherwise without fear of being caught or seen, what have you. And so that’s a tricky thing. Plus, if you’re meeting up with people at a sales convention, or what have you, the social pressure to drink or smoke, or go, as you mentioned in your, your episode, regarding Charles, go to a strip club. It’s like, whoa, wait, holds on a second, like this. I didn’t know my boss was gonna set this up, like, how do I navigate this? And so
Bryan Paul Buckley 8:36
Or clients, who it’s just fine to… that’s not, that’s within his morals, and all of a sudden he thinks, hey. Look at all the things I’m doing for him not considering. Maybe that’s, that’s not okay with the other person.
Dr. Nick Howard 8:50
Yeah, so it creates tensions around how do I value my clients, but also be loyal to my values? How do I do that? And am I willing to discipline a client to honor my values and the people that I care about at home? So that’s, that’s, that’s hard, I’m sure, I’m sure.
Bryan Paul Buckley 9:08
And for those of us who have that paid for, you know, whether it is a lot higher shelf than what we’re drinking at home if you know what I’m saying? Or it is to the point, well, you know, I’m with other people, I’m just going to try this, it’s okay. Or I have no bank record of this. Or you know, whatever of this, it is easier to that’s, that’s good counsel, especially depending on the emotional state back to what you’d referenced earlier, you know, being on the road, if I’m in a bad place with this, that I can intensify that or justify those behaviors. So let’s kind of lean into bad habits, Nick, when all of a sudden do these turn into habits? And what are the consequences of those? Let’s kind of unpack that a little bit.
Dr. Nick Howard 9:53
Yeah. So… so habit, by definition means something you’re doing over and over and over. This is a shout out to Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Right? So you might be called, he cites Aristotle we are what we repeatedly do there. And therefore excellence is not an act but a habit, we are what we repeatedly do. And I got a, I gotta indulge Kirkegaard here for a second, just because I’m a growing fan of his, but he talks about delusions, and so when we’re talking about bad habits, it means we’re typically falling for a lie of some sort. So if I believe that drinking more is actually going to bring me life, that’s actually not true, or smoking or looking at porn, like that leads to shame and regret and guilt, right? But… but Kierkegaard in a book called Works of Love, talks about how delusions actually have power. And so the more that you engage in a delusion, the more likely we are to rationalize or justify, and, and downplay the significance of the behavior. So once we have established a habit of, you know, when I drink, when I go on the road, I drink more than I do, or I’m finding myself watching porn in the hotel room, because it doesn’t come up on the bill per se, as a particular movie, right? So once that’s happening, like two or three times per se, like that habit has its hooks in you, you might say, and so, you know, granted, there are good habits, right? So you can be better at exercise on the road than you are at home. Right? It’s, it’s really about what’s in your best interest, what honors your highest values, what perhaps honors your faith commitments and the ones that are the negative ones that lead to destructive outcomes, the sooner that you can admit those, the better. Because the longer that you go without admitting them, the easier it is to go from porn to a massage to a call girl, right? All of a sudden, it’s got more and more power, like the delusion, as I’ll say, later, has you more than you have it. And so it’s just really important to try to catch them as soon as you can. Because once it starts to become repetitive, and you’re living sort of two lives, one on the road and one at home that are very different in terms of morals and values you’re… you’re in a dangerous space.
Bryan Paul Buckley 12:19
Okay, so let’s slow down because you just said something that’s very, very key. There’s, I think, I’m assuming the average business travel traveler would justify, well, I’m not that way all the time. And there’s an argument there, because that’s the deficit of integrity because now we’re two different people. But saying that I’m justifying going while I’m only that way on the road, and I’ve got it under control because it’s only on the road. I’m okay at home. And so therefore everything is okay. And you’ve been quoted as saying that you’re acting out isn’t random. So what do we say to that guy could even be me, who’s justified that I’m, you know, it’s okay, it’s road versus home, and yada, yada, yada?
Dr. Nick Howard 12:56
Yeah, there’s an author that said, Jim Blair, I think it was that said, we, as humans, we have an infinite capacity for self-deception. We have an infinite capacity for self-deception. And so like you’re pointing out in terms of integrity, you really can’t be two people because the ripple effect in your, in your life, when you’re home, will be there. And what I mean by that is, I know that when I’ve made poor choices, and I’ve not confessed to my beloved, my wife, I know that I’m more superficial and more detached. I don’t engage with the same level of depth or openness, transparency. So acting out on the road, even though it’s in a different place, you know, the hardest thing is, what happens in Vegas does come back, it might not be a venereal disease, but you’re a different person. Because I would say if you’ve made poor choices, darkness has come in, that would be a word I would use or distance. You’re more superficial. So you bring that home with you for a while. It has a half-life of some sort. Right? So I think it’s just so important to see the idea of, well, that’s just down the road. Well, that’s just a rationalization. That’s just you deceiving yourself because it does come with you. And at some level, I think we all know that you know.
Bryan Paul Buckley 14:21
And it’s a good point. I mean, you referenced Charles, which was the story of the guy that I had met, years and years and years ago, it’s made a tremendous just that story, although I’m still not in contact with him again, of the distance that he had, because of this, “second life” that he had. And to your point, you notice about coming home with your wife, because there’s a short account of that. In his case, that was business as usual, or in this case, business home life as usual. So there were so many years of decay, that he really didn’t even notice it, you know, a numbness that is there. So there may be those who are listening to this episode, Nick, who are going “well, that’s me,” which obviously there’s a lot of other issues there to unpack. So let’s go a little bit further here down, unfortunately, down this, this dark side of business travel down this downward spiral. Oftentimes, obviously, there are good habits, hopefully, the six energy habits move, fuel, rest, reform, develop, connect, then there are obviously a ton of other good habits. But then there’s obviously bad habits, even some positive things that we can turn into bad and turn and go from a progression into an actual addiction. So how do we know we may be crossed that line between that so-called habit, loose habits, stronger habits, hooks that are in you’re talking about, and a full-blown addiction?
Dr. Nick Howard 15:36
Yeah, good question. Well, the phrase that comes to mind is, something’s moved from a bad habit to addiction when it has you more than you have it. So that behavior becomes more and more compulsive to use the technical term. So it’s when you really can’t help yourself. And I was really struck as you… I was reading about Charles and that particular episode, you mentioned someone that was looking at porn in a check-in line, is that right?
Bryan Paul Buckley 16:05
That’s right. Yeah. Actually, it was at the airport kind of off to the side. And supposedly, nobody’s paying attention all that I walked behind him and, and, anyway,
Dr. Nick Howard 16:13
Yeah, so. So, I mean, this is not about judgment. This is not about trying to shame anybody. Because, as they say, in the Christian tradition, the ground is level at the foot of the cross. Like, there’s, I’ve got a lot of regrets. There’s lots of stuff I wish I hadn’t done. But the point here is, it’s like, oh, my gosh, if you find yourself doing that, at the airport, like you are addicted, like, it’s clearly in control of you. And so the thing that I think that’s important for me to share having worked with men struggling with addiction to pornography, that isn’t necessarily as much about travel. But the point I want to make is oftentimes, with porn addiction, there, there’s, there’s a way that you’re almost intoxicated by it. And so we think about if you’re smoking pot, or if you’re getting drunk, you’re gonna, you’re gonna have a hangover, you’re gonna be intoxicated, you won’t really know what you’re doing. But I’ve seen this play out over and over that if you’ve got an addiction to porn, that might be more intense on the road, you will not realize how hard it is for you to empathize or be sensitive, or you won’t see the ways you pick fights or are hypercritical. And so there’s… I think it’s important to share it to the extent that you know, a portion of your audience as men that we may not realize how much porn affects us. And that there can be like this stupid, I’ve actually had therapy sessions, where it’s sort of like if the guy had just binged the last couple days… it’s… the therapy session, while it’s helpful, in some ways, in many ways, it’s a throwaway session, because they are so lost in the illusions and darkness that they don’t even know what’s happening at some level. I mean what’s that like to hear? What are your thoughts?
Bryan Paul Buckley 18:00
Yes, I completely agree. And, sadly, I’ve had many of those conversations with people on the road, aka Charles, in this specific case, and it’s hard. You know, it’s hard to hear, because oftentimes, to your point, you’re hearing the justifications, you’re hearing the number of lies, you know, the infinite deception, if you will, and I get it, man, I’ve been down the downward spiral. So you know, I am of whom I am Chief, and I do appreciate the comment about level the cross, you know, for those of us who are persons of faith of that, and that is a question I’d like to unpack here in just a few minutes of what if you are a person who feels like you do have integrity, you do have character and faith. But before we get to that, Nick, let’s kind of move from the addictions to the moral behaviors, which I mean, ultimately could be an addiction, if you will, and you reference that whether it’s gone from porn to massages and all that, but the moral behaviors that we can sometimes justify those behaviors. What about the ramifications of those decisions and the self-justifications?
Dr. Nick Howard 18:56
Yeah, I mean, in today’s world, most of us know people that have gotten divorced and have a strained or strange relationship with their kids, or certainly, in the world of Christian Leadership, as a pastor acting out on travel, that can be devastating to a person’s career. So the greater the acting out, you know, if it’s if it’s chronic versus a one-time thing that makes a difference. The…the hard thing is, the more and I’ve witnessed this professionally, gratefully, not as much personally, but the further we go down that road like I was referencing Kirkegaard, the more that we deliberately choose at some point, you know. So, you know, when you talk about a strategy for the road, let’s say if you’re struggling with pornography, it’s like how do you… what’s your… what’s your ritual around when you go in the hotel room to make sure that you’re least likely to watch something or if it applies to drinking or what have you? The more that you kind of blow past those things and are thinking about, how do I indulge? How do I actively make this work? The relational ramifications, the vocational ramifications are gonna go up commensurately. It’s like all of a sudden, like, there was I just saw this, there was a pastor that was on an airplane, and he apparently somehow urinated on a passenger. I don’t know if you heard about that. It was like, “what?” but, so he’s arrested at the airport for public urination. And he says in the interview, I’m a pastor, this is completely not like me. And chances are, and I think this is maybe something that can be helpful, like in the case of a case like this, where you found yourself doing something that’s completely out of character. There’s a book I was talking about earlier, it’s called Unwanted by Jay Stringer. And he talks about how when we make really foolish choices, especially bad moral choices, there’s usually a complex of… he talks about, like two rivers coming together with two large rivers, like, you know, what have you in this in the states and one is current stressors. Like, if you’re under a ton of stress at work distance with your wife, you know, when your kids just acted out. Plus, if there’s unresolved family trauma, if there are things from your own backstory, that are similar, in some ways to what’s happening currently, like, when those two rivers come together, the current is the most intense, and it’s the hardest to make good choices. And so, you know, to to, if you are getting close to places like that, or if you’re finding yourself being dramatically different than you were when you started out as a road warrior, right? It’s like if you were clean, you know, you didn’t drink or smoke excessively if you didn’t look at porn, but now, you’re like, checking all those boxes. It’s like, okay, okay, stuff has gone South is going south, and it probably taps similar things from your backstory. And so the more that you ignore that, the greater the fall is gonna be, yes, the tragic reality for virtually all of us.
Bryan Paul Buckley 22:12
And I appreciate you referencing that book. And that is definitely something we’ll put in the show notes. And to go back to your story, I think somebody could very easily fixate on “Well, that pastor. Wow” and, and faith and all. But you know, it could be VP of sales, it could be CEO, it could insert whatever title that’s here. I think the more important thing is the fact they go on well, but that’s not normally like me, or unlike me, oh, man, maybe that’s our title. Or maybe that’s our self-imposed reputation, which obviously has been deconstructed for weeks, months, or years with our behaviors, which obviously, those two rivers to use your analogy, are now in full force and colliding together. But what does someone do who has made these dark side of business travel downward spiral decisions, Nick, and whether they’ve been feeling that along the way of this guilt, or the shame, or this, maybe even hopelessness, or they’re maybe feeling it now? What should they do? When should they seek professional help? How do they handle that? When they’re feeling these conflicting, maybe in a good way convicting emotions?
Dr. Nick Howard 23:15
Yeah, great question. Well, I’ve been a therapist, psychologist, what have you for 25 years and, and also have, you know, a bit of my own journey towards healing and growth, and hopefully, you know, getting closer to flourishing, the first thing that I would say to people is, the good news is that you’re not alone. You’re not alone, where you’re at. And by that, I mean, there are people that are more than happy to come alongside you, whether they’re secular psychologist or psychologist of faith, what have you. There are more and more empathy and sympathy for moral struggles, then I would say there’s ever been that’s part of what’s good about where things are in the world. As far as to shame and immediate rejection, like the scarlet letter, I don’t know what color that letter would be today, but it’s, not deep red. Like… And so there’s more openness to people hearing your story, you know, that are trained professionals, I would say than ever. And along that line, as you let’s say if you decide to interview a couple or two or three therapists, you know, part of what you want to do is start to tell your story, just kind of put a foot in the water and try to get a read or a vibe around how they respond to you. And the best ones, of course, are the ones that aren’t judging you that ask good questions. I think you know, how you engaged with Charles, that’s what a good therapist is like. And so if you can get yourself in to see a therapist, and you know, one of the good things that have come out of COVID is that telehealth is now an incredible option and so it’s reimbursed at the same level of office visits are. You don’t have to commute to see your psychologist or therapist and it’s covered by insurance. And you also in some ways, it’s interesting just to go down that road for a second having done telehealth for a while some people are more comfortable sharing with someone in front of a screen than they are actually in person. Interesting. They don’t feel as self-conscious they’ve got their own space that they’re in so they feel more comfortable. But the good news Yeah, is that there are lots of competent psychologists therapists out there that as you share with them what’s happening invited like j stringers approach which is consistent with mine, they won’t look to judge or stigmatize or be critical. Because so, so many of us when we’ve made poor choices, in some ways, we are our greatest enemy, we have condemned ourselves, we’ve turned on ourselves. And we don’t think that we should be forgiven. But that’s, that’s obviously not true. People when we soften our hearts when we’re vulnerable when we express regret or remorse, people are more than happy most often to forgive, especially someone that’s not in your system. I’m not saying that your wife is going to welcome you with open arms, right? But that’s a topic for down the road. Right? But so to seek help sooner than later, because, as I mentioned, you know, when we are falling for lies or delusions, in my experience, it’s like the grip only gets tighter. And our chances of making more foolish decisions only get greater, the longer we go without telling our stories.
Dr. Nick Howard 24:14
So do you find it because of that very reason of maybe the self-shaming, maybe there’s the assumption that I’m going to get judged, or whatever is why most people do not engage in therapy, avoid therapy, maybe even especially men?
Dr. Nick Howard 26:53
Yeah, so you know, it’s either gender is difficult for different reasons. But for men, I think especially certainly American men, you know, this whole idea of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, you know, the rugged individualist, you don’t want to be seen as weak. And, you know, men don’t cry. Like those are… those are stereotypical cultural kind of expectations that make it a lot harder for a guy to come in and say, “Yeah, I have lost control of this, I feel helpless and powerless. And I have no clue.” And so to adopt that posture of humility and vulnerability, it’s, it’s hard for us. And yet I can say, having spent a lot of time as a client with and I continued to see my own psychologist, probably on a monthly basis to this day. And having, you know, seeing roughly 30 people a week, it’s like, I see the freedom that comes from sharing from vulnerability from confession, you might say, but there’s also I mean, I don’t want to downplay the importance of good friends, like friends that you trust that you respect. They’re also an important part, and sometimes even the first step around, how do I at least tell somebody, you know, I know when I’ve been in situations where I’ve been tempted or know I’m heading into a hot zone, you might say, let one of my buddies or more than one know, like I’m heading into a danger zone. That’s been incredibly helpful. You can’t just call your psychologist up and say, Hey, I’m at the airport, and I want to go look at porn or something like that. But you can call a friend that you’ve built a relationship with. And so the larger that you can make that circle, and if it can include a trained professional, I think that’s where you’re the best off to move towards a life that you really want.
Bryan Paul Buckley 28:50
And I’m a fan of both of the friends and also the therapy because obviously, they add different levels of value, if you will, it’s like to your point, it’s a good starting point to talk to them, or maybe a friend or it’s easier access to get a hold of them. There’s also the limitation of the lack of training of where to go on there. So I appreciate you mentioning that. One more question. Before we get to any closing thoughts you’d like to leave with us, and then obviously go to that lightning round, which I’d love to hear your answers on. But let’s just talk for a moment for those that are of faith. For those of us who call ourselves Christians who character and integrity is important, something we’ve inspired to maybe if it seems something that those who know us still think that is us. But going to the road, we’ve been danger to the hot zone, the danger zone, and we’ve made errors in the past. What do you say to that individual?
Dr. Nick Howard 29:45
Well, um, you know, one of the great things about the Christian faith, which you know, we share is the great news is that we’re permanently adopted as sons and daughters and it says in Ephesians one that we were pre-chosen again before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. And Romans 5 and Romans 8 talk about we are we are justified, which means we’re completely forgiven. And my theological slant is that means for past, present, and future sins. And so the great news about that is that our sins and shortcomings, poor choices don’t ultimately define us. They are parasites or viruses to get rid of; they don’t define us, right. And so that’s the great news along with that, you know, as a Christ-follower, there’s that longing to live a life that’s pleasing to the Lord to be virtuous to be a godly man or woman to be a mature disciple. And that’s a great aspiration to be affirmed. But also, I think the challenges then, and I think that the invitation is, as you build friendships, or as you think about your pastor, or a small group leader, or someone that might be involved in a healing ministry, in church, there are people that are a lot easier to access. If you’re in a community of faith, then you would if you aren’t a part of a body of faith, and so there’s easier access. And then the challenge is, of course, to swallow your pride and be willing to confess and be humbled. But humility leads to freedom, confession leads to life. So hopefully, we can model that. And I know in my own personal experience, and also professional experience when someone is a meaningful part of discipling relationships, their growth trajectory, their healing trajectory is at a much higher rate. Because there’s support, there’s the power, the Holy Spirit, there’s a deeper, healthier community, in my opinion, that leads to greater freedom, then if you’re just slugging it on your own, without that faith community,
Bryan Paul Buckley 31:54
Any closing thoughts or encouragement for us, Nick here?
Dr. Nick Howard 31:58
Well you know, it’s, it’s a battle for everybody. There’s, there’s no one that when they go on the road, probably doesn’t face some level of temptation. It’s just, it’s just speaks to the I would say, the darkness in the world and the culture. And you know, Bryan, I really value your writing, and I value what you are inviting people to. And so there’s always hope. And there’s always a new day. And I say, especially as you seek out help. If you seek it, you’ll find it. And so, I hope that this is ultimately an episode that brings people hope, because no matter where you are, you’re not alone, and some kind of recovery is possible. And the more that you actively pursue it, the greater the human will be, and the more likely you’ll be able to restore those relationships that are the most important to you if you’ve gotten off track.
Bryan Paul Buckley 32:53
Love it. Speaking of that, how can people find out more about you and it may be just I know, you’ve got some books that are coming out, whether it’s that whether it’s things you’ve currently written, whether it is, you know, hearing you speak, or maybe even referenced the telehealth side, where there’s an interest that’s there, especially for those of us that’s on the road, maybe that’s an important feature, or maybe it takes away “Well, I can’t meet wih a psychologist because I’m always on the road.” Well, and now you got a guy. So how can somebody interact with you, Nick?
Dr. Nick Howard 33:21
Sure. Well, the easiest way is to my website, www.Finishwellgroup.com That’s my website. I’ve got an annual blog that goes out.
Bryan Paul Buckley 33:38
So for those of us cats, it used to be a lot more often than that, and then you decided you want to be an author. So now it’s an annual blog. Nice, nicely, Nicely played there.
Dr. Nick Howard 33:46
My annual blog, and I’m just finishing up a book called The Power of With; Jesus-centered Guide to Changing Lives. And it really is about bringing greater intentionality and depth to our discipleship efforts. And I do yeah, run a therapy and coaching practice. The good news is that with the advent of telehealth, and what’s changed legislatively, and also on the insurance front is that I’m able to see people from 14 different states and build video calls, what have you, you know, through zoom and things of that nature? I am currently pretty full, but I’m hoping to hire a couple of therapists over the next couple of months. And so if I’m not available, hopefully I’ll have someone to refer to. But yeah, that’s me. I really enjoy working with men to help them as my tagline is to help them heal, grow, and flourish. And, you know, people that are willing to do the tough work and in therapy, as you might recall, it’s hard. It’s not fun. It’s not let’s go drink beers, right? So there’s suffering that it asks you to enter into, but to me, you know, in light of Scott Peck again, the road less traveled I think it’s the best road to go down because it leads to the greatest life. So those are some thoughts about me.
Bryan Paul Buckley 35:07
And I love that line because it’s most of us who are who have made, some of these bad choices are on a downward spiral. So having a road less traveled that actually leads somewhere besides down and faster, which sound appealing, even if it does require that suffering or that honesty, in a healthy context with that, so I really do appreciate that, Nick, let’s end on a light note here. So with you being a business traveler, we go through some quick questions here. This is a road warrior lightning round. Your preferred airlines?
Dr. Nick Howard 35:40
Bryan Paul Buckley 35:41
window or aisle?
Dr. Nick Howard 35:43
Totally an aisle.
Bryan Paul Buckley 35:44
Dr. Nick Howard 35:46
Freedom man, if I have to get up and I mean, I’m 55 I have to go the bathroom like every 20 minutes, right.
Bryan Paul Buckley 35:53
Nice. Well, we’ll stop at that point there for anybody who’s 60 going, so that’s it’s my number 50? The thing you always do on a flight besides go to the bathroom apparently.
Dr. Nick Howard 36:01
Well, it would make sense that I would say bring Diet Coke right because those two are clearly related.
Bryan Paul Buckley 36:07
And I’ve witnessed that actually on a plane with you. So preferred hotel chain?
Dr. Nick Howard 36:12
Marriott, brother. Marriott.
Bryan Paul Buckley 36:14
Preferred Marriott hotel?
Dr. Nick Howard 36:18
Definitely, well, that’s a good question. I will I’m going to go with the suites. I’m gonna go with the suites.
Bryan Paul Buckley 36:25
Rental car or rideshare.
Dr. Nick Howard 36:27
Oh, certainly. rental car. Yeah, I’m kind of traditional in that regard.
Bryan Paul Buckley 36:31
Thanks. For sure. Preferred vendor with rental car.
Bryan Paul Buckley 36:33
Bryan Paul Buckley 36:35
Least favorite airport?
Dr. Nick Howard 36:37
Well, I got your national and international right. So I spent time in the Philadelphia airport one time and that was brutal. That was brutal hanging out in Philly. And, but then also I lived in the UK for a year. And one time I flew back through Charles de Gaulle Airport. And that was a fiasco, it was there are all kinds of different ways to…well shouldn’t say it in a positive way. But the connection system is pretty lame, and they’ve not been decorated for about 40 years. So it feels like a time warp. Like you’re back in the 1970s.
Bryan Paul Buckley 37:11
So and you got a lot of time there because your connections are bad. So it’s the gift that keeps on giving. favorite city to frequent with travel?
Dr. Nick Howard 37:19
Yeah. So I’ve been going to Orlando to Florida for about 15 odd years, usually two or three times a year and, you know, Disney world’s down there. And it’s great in the wintertime since we’re flying from Chicago. So Orlando would be the top of the list for me.
Bryan Paul Buckley 37:35
And lastly, biggest road pet peeve.
Dr. Nick Howard 37:38
Long rental car lines, which maybe is a dig on enterprise, but I just don’t like those gratefully. I’ve got that elite status thing. So I can usually annoy people and go to the front of the other line,
Bryan Paul Buckley 37:49
You become that guy. And that’s okay. I’ve seen the smile as you’ve passed the others. Yeah. Yeah, in a humble in a humble, showboat kind of way. But anyway, I think you just lost clients, or maybe you’ve attracted to them because you’ve become a lot more human.
Dr. Nick Howard 38:05
I am human.
Bryan Paul Buckley 38:11
Well, Nick, I just want to thank you for this journey. First and foremost, personally with me, we’ve worked through many of these things. These are just not words that are just kind of thrown out there. you’ve walked this journey with me, and I hope those that listen to this have found? Well, I in a way I kind of made you feel a little bit of conviction in a good way that that downward spiral changes, and you go from the downward spiral to that road less traveled, being willing to make some changes, to maybe get that integrity back or that character or who you want and long to be with there. So thank you for investing into roadwarrior nation and being encouragement to us.
Dr. Nick Howard 38:47
You’re welcome, Bryan, my pleasure. Keep up the good work, my friend.
Bryan Paul Buckley 38:54
If you have kids, you know they absolutely love mail, especially if it’s from you. Now with my kids, the cards they enjoy the most were the ones that were designed for kids. And I found that when I took just a minute or two and wrote meaningful words breathing encouragement and truth into the life of my children, they made a huge difference. And as a result, Elite roadwarrior group created a Connect cards product line to help you invest into the lives of those you love that co each card was made by a kid for a kid and connect is at the heart of elite Road Warrior and is energy habit number six. The cool part is the purchase of this card directly supports warrior wagons, a nonprofit organization, who delivers warrior wagons filled with essentials to brave children, their families battling all forms of pediatric cancer and there are five Connect card choices. Thinking of you, miss you, proud of you. Love you and grateful for you. Go to eliteroadwarrior.com/store today to pick up your very own cards.
Bryan Paul Buckley 40:12
I’d like to thank Dr. Nick Howard. Well for handling this difficult subject of the dark side of travel with encouragements in challenges and insights for us to become elite road warriors in the areas that matter most within our integrity, and our character.
Bryan Paul Buckley 40:33
You can find the transcript and everything referenced in this episode in the show notes at eliteroadwarrior.com/096. Along with free resources for both the business traveler and leaders of business travelers, I’d love to hear from you so you can connect with me on my primary social media sources, LinkedIn at Bryan Paul Buckley, the LinkedIn Elite Road Warrior page, and on Instagram at elite road warrior so wherever you are on the road, do something anything just not nothing to master the business travel life. Leverage the insight from Dr. Nick Howard, to help you become and remain an elite redware today to eliminate burnout, exceed results and maintain your character. You got this.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai